Lt. Cmdr. Data (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ltcommandroid) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
unknownseas2021-02-20 08:28 pm
ltcommandroid) wrote in unknownseas2021-02-20 08:28 pm
it is a funeral.
[Well. That was certainly something.
Emotions are clearly high, so for once, Data steps out of his helper role and takes on the brunt of organizing the after-trial gathering. He's seen enough of them by now to know what's what. He's also seen more than enough in this particular trial to decide that the bar, while possibly being the most logical location, may be distressing to some! So instead, we're gonna do something different. Data will deliver invitations, that sort of look like a computer printed them, to each of the rooms:]
Please come to the ice cream parlor if you would like company at this time.
- Data
[Everybody likes ice cream!
There are no decorations, but there are some snack selections from the buffet and the cafe, depending on what you want, and a tray or two of mixed drinks courtesy of Jimmy Buffett. Data and Parker are both here. If you're sad, you may pet Parker (probably). If you're too depressed to make your own fancy sundae, Data will do it for you (definitely).]
Emotions are clearly high, so for once, Data steps out of his helper role and takes on the brunt of organizing the after-trial gathering. He's seen enough of them by now to know what's what. He's also seen more than enough in this particular trial to decide that the bar, while possibly being the most logical location, may be distressing to some! So instead, we're gonna do something different. Data will deliver invitations, that sort of look like a computer printed them, to each of the rooms:]
Please come to the ice cream parlor if you would like company at this time.
- Data
[Everybody likes ice cream!
There are no decorations, but there are some snack selections from the buffet and the cafe, depending on what you want, and a tray or two of mixed drinks courtesy of Jimmy Buffett. Data and Parker are both here. If you're sad, you may pet Parker (probably). If you're too depressed to make your own fancy sundae, Data will do it for you (definitely).]
no subject
Why? [ Her voice is...soft. Weirdly soft. ] If...you can put it into words.
no subject
[Oh. There are the tears. She lets the croissant end up back on the plate, folding forward into herself and crossing her arms over her chest, gripping her shoulders.
The words come shortly after; a lot of them, at once.]
I know you're just...going to yell at me again, but I hate myself for not even trying. Because I'm weak, and pathetic, and I'm stupid, and he could always live without me but I don't know how to live without him. He discarded me, but I would have done anything for him. And I... I can't stop hating myself, it hurts so much and I can't make it stop, I don't... I don't know.
no subject
You...just lost him...before all this, right? [ She feels tears burn in her eyes. ] Of course it wouldn't stop hurting...whatever we say. We can't...say anything to make it stop hurting. Especially not...this soon.
I should've realized that before.
cw: she's real okay with dying
[And that's...it, isn't it, that's the thing she hasn't known how to say all week.]
It didn't matter if I succeeded. I wanted to...to save him, of course, but if I didn't... If I tried, and if I didn't succeed... At least I'd still be with him. If he couldn't be with me in this existence then I could... I could be reunited him elsewhere.
But apparently that just makes me selfish and stupid, because... I don't know. Because my pain needs to be about everyone else. Apparently.
Re: cw: she's real okay with dying
You just wanted to die. You just...were ready for it all to be over.
no subject
[Her voice cracks a little; she swallows hard. Takes a moment to get it back under control.]
How couldn't I be?
no subject
You weren't thinking about the repercussions...'cause either way... [ She feels her shoulders slump. ] ...I'm sorry, Freyja.
no subject
It's fine. After all, Plumeria is all right. That's what all of you wanted, is it not? It's certainly all I've been hearing about, aside from how stupid you all think I am.
[She moves to get up.]
I'm returning to the room.
no subject
That's not fair, okay, I don't— I never said I didn't care about you.
no subject
[Yeah, she. She can't do this anymore, she can feel her voice going cold and hard as she stands up.]
I understand that you've apologized, and I entirely accept that. Thank you for doing so. But I don't know what you want beyond that.
I want to go back to the room, and I want to cry and be done with it.