unknownseas | Welp We're Here and That's What Matters

Welp We're Here and That's What Matters

[Perhaps it's tradition by now, he doesn't know. Still, he does send a note to everyone some time after the trial. Simple and to the point:]

Because everything on this ship is awful, I think a drink is needed. Come get some at the bar, it'll do you some good as long as you don't drink too much

Filbo (pawprint)

[Indeed, if you come to the bar you'll find there's one of everything. Filbo seems to have asked literally every drink he knows or has at least heard about, and lined them up from the most mellow to the strongest. There's one of each, so it's limited, take yours before it's gone! Or...ask Jimmy Buffett for more, he's right there.

Should he be encouraging drinking? He's not completely certain, but he had to do something! And this is as good as anything -- not festive because this is no time to be festive, but also social enough to encourage coming.

This will do.]

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[Filbo has standards, and that's what matters!

Lalli doesn't talk at first, but he does slip into a seat near Filbo and sits there for a bit, contemplating all the drinks. He listens to Filbo too, and eventually lets out a 'mmm' in response.He trusts Filbo to do everything he can. Filbo has always been reliable like that.]

Why are you smiling?

[He's not saying it in a mean way, which is a good indication that he's not trying to be hurtful or anything. It's just Lalli being bad at expressing his thoughts again.]

...I dunno. It's hard to explain.

[Filbo shrugs]

I just...I feel really bad about the loss of Freyja and Plumeria and Decus, but at the same time I feel kinda at peace. Maybe it's because I was able to say goodbye to Freyja. Makes me feel like I can go on despite what happened.

[He still has regrets! But at least he feels like he can carry them]

[What is this 'at peace' nonsense, Lalli doesn't understand that.]

Even if you can go on, it still hurts, doesn't it?

It does. A lot. More than I ever thought it would.

[He has to admit that much, but hey, despite that he must go on. That's what he wants to do]

And even if you're hurting, you still smile.

[His mouth twitches a little, like he wants to smile, but he can't bring himself to do it.]

...that's admirable, you know.

Is it? I dunno, it's what I have always done.

[Filbo has a surprising amount of emotional fortitude despite his low self-esteem, it's quite something. Perhaps it's a coping thing, perhaps it isn't, who knows, but if it keeps him going then it can't be bad]

It is.

I don't smile. I never really did. That's why my title is 'The Grumpy One', I think. I'm not actually that grumpy, but I always look like I am.

Smiling isn't for me, but if everyone frowned like I do, then I think everyone would get depressed. We need people like you to keep smiling.

[Filbo chuckles. Admittedly he never expected stuff like this to be ever said from Lalli, he's pleasantly surprised]

You don't seem that grumpy to me, if you ask me. Kinda scarce with the words, but grumpy isn't the word that comes to mind.

I haven't felt much of anything for a long time now. Since long before I came here. It's like I've been living through a very long winter that just won't come to an end. But it's not even the good parts of winter, it's the long, boring, grey stretches where it's just a little too cold to do anything.

I want the winter to end. But I don't know how to get spring to come.

[Uf, goodness, that's quite the sad description of how to look at life. Filbo sighs, unsure of what to say, but still...]

...it's hard to say. I admit I didn't really have...much in terms of happiness for most of my life. I wasn't unhappy, but I doubt anyone could say I was...well, happy.

[It's what happens when you don't believe in yourself or in anything you do, really. Hard to say you're happy when you do that]

Only since a couple months ago I feel like I have finally started to feel better. A-And it's...it's because of other people. Do you have someone here or at home that just...makes you feel better when things seem so bad?

[He thinks on that. Is there anyone who makes him feel better when things seem bad?

His mind drifts to a few specific people, so he ends up nodding.]

Is that how you keep smiling? You think of the people who make you feel better?

Kinda! And if I can't talk to them, then I just try to think about them and what they have said and done for me. Sometimes it helps to go on because, well, you know they'd want to see you happy.

[And somehow he has been adding more and more people to the crowd of people he'd think of, really. This ship has been full of them and many of them are dead now]

[Filbo your dead friends.

But that explanation makes sense, and after a few seconds of consideration Lalli nods.]

I think I get it.

[He still won't be smiling, but he understands a little better now.]

Good!

[Filbo chuckles]

This sorta thing is never easy to explain or...to understand...I myself can't say I'm certain about a lotta things, so if you get it, then that's good.

[Emotional stuff is way too complicated sometimes, hah]

It's okay, explaining things like that is difficult.

[Emotional stuff is very complicated!

He'll reach over to try and pat Filbo on the head too.]

[Headpat successful. Filbo hadn't expected that at all, he just stares at Lalli for a moment, wide-eyed. He hadn't processed what Lalli was trying to do until Lalli had patted him.

Then he laughs. Filbo sounds so amused. He didn't think he'd be laughing so soon after all these deaths, but Lalli managed to do it. He...hadn't realized he needed some cheering up despite how relatively okay he had felt]

What was that?

[Lalli is a strange human, hard to read most of the time. This is once another piece of evidence for that particular pile -- but he really has a good heart, that's for sure]

It's how you say "you did a good job."

[It's how you say that to a cat, Lalli. People aren't cats.

But he's not explaining that. Because Lalli rarely explains his thought process. Filbo will have to figure that out later.]

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Welp We're Here and That's What Matters

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cw: descriptions of depression

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