Ladies and gentlemen, your mayor...

[bathymetric]

True to the word of the random pieces of paper next to your desks, at exactly 1:30PM New Rapture Standard Time, there's a chime on all radios in the whole area - and there are a lot of radios. Both the portable radios you've all been issued and speakers all over chime before a pleasant woman's voice calls out to all of you, slightly tinny and distorted.

Greetings, prospective citizens! Please make your way to the lobby for a personal address from Mayor Fontaine! Presented by Fontaine Futuristics, where we bring your present into your future!

Upon everyone's arrival into the lobby of the hotel, several televisions set into the walls light up with:



Until, after a few moments, the screens flicker and cut to the face of... someone, in silhouette, just like the rest of Rapture. There are no features to make out, though, as the top of a huge leather armchair raises above their head.

Mayor Fontaine is watching.

When the Mayor speaks, the speakers seem to have trouble getting it out. There's heavy distortion and static over it, but the voice seems clear enough - male, from the sound of it, and slow and purposeful. A thick Bronx accent, for those of you with a New York to compare it to.

"So. Welcome to New Rapture. I got some things to say, but I'm gonna bet if I just open the floor to questions they'll come up and it'll save us all some time. But to cut a couple off at the pass, so to speak: yer not leaving, this is real, et cetera. Now, ask me some questions, would you kindly?"

Comments

[sixthnonsense]

A title I'm all-too familiar with!

[Scavenging for ways to make money. It's what he does.]

[dullshooter]

You know what? As a consolation prize for being one of the universe’s great cosmic punching bags, I’ll give you honorary membership.

[sixthnonsense]

Hey, thanks!

[Wait.]

Oh, do you have an actual group called Scavengers?

[dullshooter]

No - The Scavengers.

[Somehow, he manages to pronounce it completely differently.]

We're in the business of wacky intergalactic escapades, and picking things up along the way.

1/3

[sixthnonsense]

Ohhhh, my bad! The Scavengers.

[I'm imagining "the Avengers" but with "sc-" at the beginning. Is that actually correct oh my god.]

2/3

[sixthnonsense]

Okay, so. First, a talking robot, then...intergalactic escapades...

[...]

sigh

[sixthnonsense]

Holy crap, are you an alien?!

[FONTAINE IS LITERALLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THREATENING THEM OVER THERE.]

[dullshooter]

[it’s fine. who cares about important exposition when you’ve got robots?]

Sure am.

[You get one fingergun, Hagakure. A+ pronunciation of ‘scavengers’, too.]

[sixthnonsense]

[GOD.

Anyway Hagakure is over here casually having a Moment now.]

Dude! I've never met an alien in person before!! I've got so many questions, you don't even know!! How many cows have you abducted, for starters?

[dullshooter]

And I have...answers. Sure.

[Let's fucking goooooo who cares what's going on right now. It's probably not that important.]

That's going to be a zero on the bovine abduction - I mean, what do you think we'd do with them?

[sixthnonsense]

[NOTHING IMPORTANT AT ALL.]

I dunno, probe 'em? Experiment on 'em? I figured aliens would wanna find out what makes Earth stuff tick if they're going around abducting animals and people.

[dullshooter]

…Okay, whilst there are definitely ‘cons out there who would - if they haven’t already - absolutely do that, I’m not one of them, sorry.

[If only he was one of the 500 decepticon mad scientists instead!!]

[sixthnonsense]

That's okay! Just knowing some of your kind do is good enough for me!

[He feels so vindicated right now.]

But if that's not your thing, then what kinda shenans do you get up to?

[dullshooter]

Oh, you know. Fighting off baddies. Fighting off goodies. Looting. Keeping the universe from the brink of disaster.

[Not listed: a whole load of wasting time.]

[sixthnonsense]

[But that's the most important part!]

Ahhh, so the whole anti-hero type deal! I getcha, I getcha!