unknownseas | I have died every day waiting for you

I have died every day waiting for you

[That was, in Rose's opinion, even worse than last week. Any loss of life is an awful waste, but for it all to come of some horrible accident...

This week, she doesn't retreat back to her room. She knows now that the people here, or at least enough of them, like to gather after these experiences. Many of the Crystal Gems were the same way; she remembers their post-battle huddles well. It's not a party, really, but...it's good to be together. To have friends around. Maybe, to remember those who were lost.

So this time, she'll go to the cafeteria herself and request some food for everyone. It's just basic snacks, the kind of human food she knows well enough to ask for. There's some hot chocolate provided, too. She definitely knows people enjoy that. It doesn't take too long, since she isn't making most of it, and then she goes to invite everybody she can find.

She doesn't slip any notes underneath doors, for the people she doesn't happen across. Some Crystal Gems didn't join the groups, or maybe did after one battle but not another. Sometimes they wanted to be alone. She never really understood that...but it wasn't her place to tell them otherwise. Weren't they all about freedom?

Everybody probably knows something like this is going to happen again, anyway. It's their choice to come.]

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[ She finds Della heaving, shoulders moving up and down. There's a surprising amount of destruction, for such a small creature. Her head hangs and the mace drops from her fingers, landing next to her prosthetic. She doesn't look up, nor does she turn around. ]

What? [ ...That's too harsh, that's too hard. Her bill presses hard together. ] What is it, Mira?

[ If anything, she understands. She certainly isn't upset by Della, at least. ]

I have something for you, from-- [ Her throat tightens, and her eyes are so red but she feels like crying all over again. ] If you want, I can give it to you some other time.

[ After a few moments, after she tries steadying herself and her breathing, Della turns a little. It's convenient that her eyes are hidden by her pilot's goggles. ]

Is that...? [ Oh, damn it. ]

She-- she wanted it to, um. Go to you.

[ Very convenient that her eyes are hidden by her pilot's goggles. ]

...Damn it, she wrote a will and everything.

She... did write a letter. She left something for me, too, but...

You were the only other person.

[ She sure sounds shaky. And those tears she's trying very hard to hold back are starting to well up. ]

[ Della's hand curls to a shaking fist. ]

This wasn't her fault. None of this was her fault. [ She takes a few weak steps to try and cross the distance between her and Mira. Mira's taking this hard too, isn't she? ]

It's-- it's unfair.

[ Her shaking hands tighten on the scarf--not enough to damage it, but... ]

If he hadn't-- hadn't taken the requests away and claimed we'd gotten complacent, she'd still be here.

[ They tell you murder is bad, she thinks. That murderers are unforgivable. But no one accounts for things like losing complete control, or self defense. It's things like this that make things so much more painful. Alice may have been a vampire, but who cares? Not Della. Certainly not Mira.

Alice... she'd had a heart. That's more than Mira can say for old fools like the Professor, or even-- ]

She should be here.

[ That gives her the push she needs. A few seconds is all she needs to be hugging Mira tight. The height difference makes it a bit laughable, a bit awkward. But it's fine. It's better than her smashing a bunch of things to pieces in frustration. ]

I hate him too. I hate him so...so much.

[ Two hugs in one day? ... She should be happier about this, but her heart just hurts. Mira sinks to her knees and hugs Della tight. ]

He's-- he's the worst.

I just wanted him to hurt but I can't... I can't do anything.

[ Nothing can stop Della Duck. Nothing. Nothing. ]

Nothing but this. [ Just get out her rage, and hug crying girls but not...actually help them. ]

Della--

[ She pulls back, just slightly. ]

Please... don't ever say that. You've-- H-he wants us to feel powerless. And-- I can speak only for myself, but... You've helped me.

If you hadn't... I'd be locked in my room right now.

[ Alice thanked her, didn't she? But still--Della wants to do more. ]

Mira...

[ She looks up a little. Her pilot's goggles are...a little fogged. ]

But I've barely... We're still trapped here. What happens if he starts targeting someone else next? Like you?

But-- that wouldn't be your fault at all.

[ She wipes at her own eyes. She's got a feeling this won't be the last time she sheds tears today. ]

Whatever happens to me, it-- it would never be your fault.

It doesn't matter if it's my fault or not. [ Della grabs Mira's other hand. ] Whoever's fault... At the end of the day, I don't want to see anyone else die. Especially not here, in this place.

... I know.

[ She bows her head, giving Della's hand a squeeze. ]

I don't want to see anyone else die, either. I-- It's been far, far too much already.

[ There's a sudden, urgent energy in her as she returns that squeeze. ]

If you need to talk about anything... I mean what I said before. I'm here for it. I promise. I'll listen, to anything. I don't care...what anything's happened. We can find a solution, if we work together.

[ Oh-- ]

... I will. [ She's firm in that, at least. ] The same goes for you... okay? I don't-- I'm certain you feel the same, but...

I-if I can do something to prevent more of this... I'll do it.

[ That...helps. A little. Maybe. Della nods. ]

Okay... Yeah. It's a deal, then. Anything, to get out of this place...without any of this. Or...as little of it as possible.

[ She doesn't want to believe it'll happen again. But, the Professor's probably got other plans. ]

[ God, ain't that a mood. ]

I want to believe we can.

[ There are so many smart, capable people here... and maybe that's the way the Professor would rather have it. If you're resourceful enough--

Nope. She's not going to think too hard about it. She lowers her voice instead, so low that she hopes only Della can hear... and not prying ears. ]

... Maybe... if we get another area, we'll be able to find more clues.

[ ...She recognizes what Mira's doing. With a deep inhale, Della immediately starts gesturing her to the art room. A place with pencils, paper. ]

I can't start thinking about the alternative. [ Quite firm on that. ] The moment it takes hold, then... [ And shakes her head. ] No. No way.

I think... anyone would.

[ But she starts heading to the art room all the same. ]

But it helps... to have people who will listen. And to have things to take your mind off it, I think.

...It does. [ Don't think about that. Don't think about being alone. ] It helps more than...than you'd ever think possible. To tell someone what you're feeling and hear a voice back.

[ The art room. Paper, colored pencils, something. Della starts scrounging for it. ]

It does.

[ She starts looking, too, and finally she walks over to one of the tables with paper and pencils. ]

Or even... just having a bit of company when you're feeling very low. It's easy to get into your head.

Any little thing. Like... You're good at drawing. You know, I'm horrible at it?

[ And, she pointedly leans over the table, and starts...presumably drawing something?

But. No. She's not. She's not doing that.

She's writing, in tiny handwriting, blocking most of the view with her body.

They can hear us
But write and show carefully to share information
Destroy it after

I've been doing it with Angel ]

...See? Pretty horrible. Right?

I have died every day waiting for you

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