And we're all adrift together through the cold mist, 'til we're lifeless together

[dokkalfheimr]

[The preparations hit differently this time.

Last weekend was at least an attempt at being festive, even with the light supplies they have; at being joyous, at giving people at least one nice thing to look back upon before things inevitably took a turn for the worse. And now two people are dead, and instead of trying to figure out structure placement and how best to keep everyone entertained and occupied and well-fed, the preparations now are given to much more practical purposes.

Large amounts of bottled water from the machine. Bagels and bread and muffins, light starchy things to avoid forcing anyone to keep meat or seafood down after seeing a corpse. Fruit for the sake of providing energy. Avoiding including bananas for any reason. Quietly pulling aside one of the first people she sees with any experience in the matter and asking them to help her make tea.

Once she's got one of the tables at the party zone set up and the tea is on its way to being prepared, she'll set around letting people know; the invitations are simple, written in Freyja's broad, elegant handwriting:

I think another gathering tonight would be beneficial. Not to celebrate, but to remember; perhaps more importantly, to ensure that no one is alone if they don't want to be.

Tonight is hard. There is nothing further to do but get through it.]

Comments

[hellahighwater]

[ Chloe raises a hand in greeting, but she's largely subdued. ]

Yeah... I figured it'd be good to show up to your shindig. Kinda bad form to bail, right?

[dokkalfheimr]

I wouldn't have faulted you if you hadn't wanted to. Today was...a bit much.

[hellahighwater]

Nah, I'm the life of the party. [ To be sarcastic you have to actually...have...a sarcastic tone, Chloe... ] Really, I...did want to be here, I just...had to clear my head first.

[dokkalfheimr]

Of course. Even so, we can return to the room whenever you would like.

[...]

Do you mind if I join you for a while?

[hellahighwater]

[ Something about that we is actually...kind of reassuring, already. ]

...Nah, not at all. Go right ahead.

[dokkalfheimr]

[Good. She currently has, like, just so much fruit? This woman eats so much fruit and like. ...lbr if she's eating from the buffet it's always anything that is over there that isn't completely sad and doesn't involve meat.]

Have you been all right? You seemed...stressed, during the trial.

[hellahighwater]

What, that? Oh, that wasn't stressed, that was stressed lite. Decaf stressed. [ Mmmgg.... She lets out a very big sigh. ] People actually died, joking deflection feels shitty.

It all just... It started to get me thinking.

[dokkalfheimr]

In what way...? If I may ask.

[...]

Was it about your friend?

[hellahighwater]

[ She winces and looks away. ]

Rachel? No, not... [ ... ] This time I was thinking about me.

[ She almost snorts. ]

I'm always thinking about me, but— in a different way this time.

[dokkalfheimr]

[Chloe...]

Is it anything that you would want to talk about...?

cw: suicidal ideation as a blanket warning

[hellahighwater]

[ ... ]

I keep talking about... After this. About what's coming next. But... It's kinda stupid, you know? 'Cause... After all, at the start of this...

...I'd already accepted, that... I have to die.

[dokkalfheimr]

[She stares for a long moment. Tips her head slightly. It's clear from her expression that she doesn't follow.]

What do you mean, you "have to die"?

[hellahighwater]

[ She takes a slow breath. ]

You know...how I mentioned, I...found Rachel. I...got her justice. It's...all thanks to the other friend I mentioned. ...Max.

[ You know that inflection Chloe put into Rachel's name that first time? Yeah. It's similar. ]

Max, she... We hadn't...seen each other in awhile. A long while. And, things had...changed. But, the first time we saw each other again, she— ...she saved my life. 'Cause, she found out she had these powers...and she could turn back time. She saw me die, and it was the first time...she just instinctively fixed it.

[ A soft, light laugh. ]

How great is that? She didn't even know it was me. But she cared so much, to...

[ ... ]

It, um. Apparently my...world, the universe, whatever, it...didn't like that. It kept trying to correct it, and, Max, she would save me again. And again. And again. And again... And, in the end...the universe did something she couldn't stop. It...created a storm, big enough to...to wipe out our whole town. Everyone there... Everyone living in it... Everyone I ever knew, my...my mom. They were gonna die, because of me.

[ It's one or the other. There is no third choice. ]

So... I told her... I said she shouldn't...let that happen.

[dokkalfheimr]

[There's always a toll, isn't there. Hel, Alfaðör, the world itself - if enough is taken, some greater power takes back. It's the way of things, even if it shouldn't be.]

Chloe...

[For a long while, she isn't sure what to say to that; it's...difficult, to put it lightly.]

I don't think it's stupid, to want to consider what will come after this. To want to hope for something less bleak. There's nothing stupid about that.

[hellahighwater]

All I'm doing is fooling myself, though, right? I was hoping...maybe with everyone from such different places... When this didn't seem like fucking time purgatory, I'd be okay. Maybe, not everywhere works like that. But...

...there's no fighting against fate.

[ That is what Jones said. You can't do that here. ]

[dokkalfheimr]

...I've done it before.

[She seems...somewhat hesitant about volunteering that, but it's something she'd mentioned she can do, just...not in this context. The context changes things, somewhat.]

By bringing people into Dökkálfheimr. Not...as part of a dream, but to live with me, forever.

There are ways to change things. But it involves power not normally accessible to mortal beings.

[hellahighwater]

What?

[ At that, Chloe finally looks back at Freyja. ]

But... I... Forever?

[ It's certainly better than dying, or fading away, to never exist again. ]

You can do that?

[dokkalfheimr]

Yes.

[What would Freyr think, if he knew about this? What would he say if he saw her talking about this again - would he hate her? Would he hate her more than he already hated her for-

Her gaze darts.]

Doing such a thing requires becoming one of us. One of the Dökkálfar - it requires sacrificing one's mortality, along with all memories of one's mortal life. But I... It has been done.

[hellahighwater]

[ Her racing mind stops in her tracks. ]

All of them? But... My parents. Rachel, I... Max...

[ She'd told Max Caulfield to not forget about her. Never did she think there was a possibility of that happening, the other way around. ]

[dokkalfheimr]

...It is the way things must be.

[She just...god.]

I am not...rejecting you in saying this. But it ultimately may not be something you would want.

[hellahighwater]

[ She's quiet for a moment. ]

Life...it sucks. So much of it sucks. But... If there's some way I can be out there and remember...all the good parts. Everything Max did for me... She can't be the only one who remembers that week.

[ No. She wouldn't do that. ]

...Listen to me, I'm...still hoping for something better.

[dokkalfheimr]

Chloe, may I...

[She hesitates for a moment.]

Would you mind if I were to touch you?

[hellahighwater]

Huh?

[ She's wildly confused by that statement. But, still... She shakes her head. ]

Um. Okay.

[dokkalfheimr]

[She'll stand up, then, and make her way over; when she moves it's quick and decisive, as though she doesn't want to risk changing her mind.

She reaches out to hug Chloe, though not so tightly that she couldn't pull away if she wanted to; it's just...gentle, and it's been a long time since she's actually hugged anyone - not since Plumeria and Triandra were little - but that's what she's doing now, at any rate.]

It's all right. Again, I understand.

[hellahighwater]

[ It's like opening a floodgate. Chloe is so much taller than Freyja, but she greedily, hungrily returns the hug. She can't help but think about Max's last embrace. About backing away, watching the other girl's horrified, heartbroken expression. How much of a terror she's been to her mom, how she can't remember the last time she really let her in. How she's never going to get to hug her again. How the last time they talked, she'd said something offhand, dismissive. How she never got to tell her she loved her, before she went to work at the diner. How she can't remember...the last time she told her that.

Just like that, she's crying on Freyja's shoulder. Sobbing, like when they found Rachel. Beyond that first moment, telling Max to let her die... Chloe hasn't cried for herself yet.

It's overdue. ]