into each breaking wave

[thisaroma]

[ Well, that was — no pun intended — unfortunate. ...But in light of what they already saw happen the first two weeks, maybe it's not really that surprising, either; and maybe it's at least a little easier to recognize when something is going to be a lost cause, if not necessarily to accept it.

In spite of everything, this is the first time Decus has been in a halfway decent mood after a trial, which he can gather is... probably not the case for most of the rest. So he figures he can take on the party host duties for this week rather than push it onto someone who needs a break. Anyway, he wants to keep up this feeling-okay thing for as long as he can, and if he has too much downtime and starts to think about what happened a week ago today... he might end up a little less okay.

So, he brings some food down to the buffet from the cafes for a little variety (even though most of them probably aren't going to be too picky at this point), along with some tea and cocoa from Starbucks and a few harder options from the bar, and gets that all set up in as welcoming an arrangement as he can manage. And...

Well. Despite how he may come off sometimes, he actually is self-aware enough to realize that some of the others might not appreciate being reminded that he's still alive when three people who'd never had any intention of killing are dead. It doesn't really bother him, but he doesn't want to create unnecessary drama, either; so he doesn't put his name anywhere on the invitations he puts up around the place, just a simple:

food and drinks at the buffet

...Which is almost always the case, technically, this past week excluded, but hey.

And while he might come by to offer a drink or something to someone who looks like they need it, he's mostly going to hang back and let everyone do their thing. ]

Comments

[dokkalfheimr]

[It seems to surprise her, that he's speaking to her at all; it isn't that he's ever been cruel or rude to her, because he certainly hasn't, it's just that she doesn't quite know why he would now that Alice is...wherever Alice is now.]

Oh - thank you, Decus. This week was...better, as a whole. It's likely horrid to say that, given what just happened, but you hopefully know what I mean.

[She pauses for a moment, tipping her head a bit.]

I'm sorry. About Alice.

[thisaroma]

[ He nods at that first part; he knows very well, actually. As terrible and hopeless as the beginning of this week had felt to him, he kind of feels now like he can manage from here out.

At that apology, though... huh. ]

Why? It was her own choice.

[ He's sorry, because it was his missing that hidden glass shard that had forced them into that situation, and his earlier reluctance to tell her about their future loss that had resulted in him blindsiding her with it during the trial.

But that's just on him and Jack. ]

[dokkalfheimr]

That doesn't make the loss any easier, however. Does it...?

[She pauses for a moment. More like hesitation than anything.]

When my brother died... It was his choice then, as well.

[thisaroma]

[ Ah... He doesn't know too many details about what happened with Freyja's brother, so he's not sure how comparable the situations are in that regard. Maybe this might sound condescending or dismissive... but he can only speak for himself. ]

It does.

[ He doesn't answer so immediately, but he sounds sure of himself when he does. ]

I mean... it doesn't make me miss her any less, and I'd do some things differently on my part if I had the chance to do it over.

...But it was always important to her to be able to survive and live her life on her own terms. If I let myself look at this like some kind of tragedy she just got swept up in instead of something she chose for herself, then I'd be robbing her of that power. And if I were to stop living my life after she chose to give hers up to save me, that would be like saying everything she did was a waste. If she wanted me to live that much, then I owe it to her to live a life that means something for both of us.

[ As firm as his words are, there's still a lump in his throat by the time he's done with them, and he has to pause for a few seconds and take a deep breath. ]

That's what I decided this week. It's... really hard, because I honestly don't remember how to live without her. But I'll figure it out, because I love her, and it's up to me to keep her memory and wishes alive.

[dokkalfheimr]

[Mm.]

Alice was an interesting person, to put it lightly. I enjoyed talking to her; I found myself agreeing with her more often than not.

I can understand where she was a little divisive. But nowhere near as much as people claimed. I was fond.

[thisaroma]

Huh.

[ He guesses he hadn't been around for most of those conversations. ]

I didn't really know you felt that way. ...But I'm glad.

[dokkalfheimr]

Admittedly, most of our conversations involved debating whether she was important enough to kill in broad daylight, and her calling me varying degrees of pathetic.

[...]

...I understood where you were coming from with regards to the way Alice had positive relationships with people.

[thisaroma]

...Oh.

[ Okay, well, he's... less glad if there was talk of killing her involved, but... admittedly, that doesn't seem like the kind of conversation Alice would have minded. ]

What do you mean?