unknownseas | into each breaking wave

[ Well, that was — no pun intended — unfortunate. ...But in light of what they already saw happen the first two weeks, maybe it's not really that surprising, either; and maybe it's at least a little easier to recognize when something is going to be a lost cause, if not necessarily to accept it.

In spite of everything, this is the first time Decus has been in a halfway decent mood after a trial, which he can gather is... probably not the case for most of the rest. So he figures he can take on the party host duties for this week rather than push it onto someone who needs a break. Anyway, he wants to keep up this feeling-okay thing for as long as he can, and if he has too much downtime and starts to think about what happened a week ago today... he might end up a little less okay.

So, he brings some food down to the buffet from the cafes for a little variety (even though most of them probably aren't going to be too picky at this point), along with some tea and cocoa from Starbucks and a few harder options from the bar, and gets that all set up in as welcoming an arrangement as he can manage. And...

Well. Despite how he may come off sometimes, he actually is self-aware enough to realize that some of the others might not appreciate being reminded that he's still alive when three people who'd never had any intention of killing are dead. It doesn't really bother him, but he doesn't want to create unnecessary drama, either; so he doesn't put his name anywhere on the invitations he puts up around the place, just a simple:

food and drinks at the buffet

...Which is almost always the case, technically, this past week excluded, but hey.

And while he might come by to offer a drink or something to someone who looks like they need it, he's mostly going to hang back and let everyone do their thing. ]

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[Constantine doesn't respond, opting to divert most of his energy into getting his legs working. He pushes off the ground with his other hand, trying to get his feet underneath him. It...takes quite a bit of effort, but eventually, he lifts himself up on his shaky legs. Water drips from his coat onto the garden floor.]

Thanks.

[The word is muttered under his breath, more of a sigh than an actual sentence. He probably looks arguably worse, having now been dragged out of the lazy river. Constantine sways slightly where he stands.]

Filbo, mate, I can always trust you to be honest, yeah?

[Hm. Where's this going?]

Of course. Why do you ask?

[That really is a question he didn't expect, but Filbo sure didn't hesitate to answer it]

What do you think when you look at me? What do you see, exactly?

[A note of vulnerability--perhaps even desperation--creeps into his voice. He's not sure what answer he's seeking. He's not even sure if he's seeking a certain answer.]

You mean in general? Or right now? I mean, I'll answer, but I, uh...well, tell me that.

[Filbo is stalling a little for time, admittedly. He did say he'd be honest with John, so his usual stance of softening words when talking to people's faces would be a no-go, so he's trying to gain some time to compose what he'll say]

[Constantine grunts, staggering forward and trying to peel off his jacket with little success.]

In general, I guess. I just--I feel like I've been screwing up the entire time we've been on this ship. Or...at least, I sure as hell haven't been helping as I should be.

[He looks just as miserable as he sounds....]

Edited 2021-03-01 04:47 (UTC)

I...I see. Alright, uh, come here to the gazebo and I'll tell you. Just...remember you asked me to tell you, and don't interrupt. Wait until I'm done.

[Once Constantine gets there and hopefully isn't collapsing on the floor in a drunken heap, Filbo gets ready. He said he would, so he will:]

John, I think you're a mess. I mean, no surprise there, right? And it's not like that's that bad, I'm a mess too in many ways. But despite you being a mess...I really think you're the kinda person who can get through anything, and when I look at you that's what I see. Except when you're almost passing out in that river over there.

[Having to reach upwards to a taller person is a little awkward, but Filbo does it regardless to put his paws on Constantine's shoulders. Water squelches from the jacket]

I-I mean, you have told me so much of the sorta things you have faced. And it's so horrible, and makes me wonder how you have survived until now, and the only way I can think is that you're a really hardheaded guy far more clever than a lot of people are, and you do have that kinda aura? Or something? Maybe with some luck too, but luck only takes you so far, right?

I know how it's like to feel like you should have been able to do more, trust me, I do. And it's not easy to see things go wrong all around you and feel like you're failing, because...I feel that too, all the time since all the deaths started to happen. And normally I see you and I just think that even if things go really badly you...you probably will be one of the few that'll be standing and willing to grin in the face of danger and refuse to back down. You kinda proved that already. Right now you don't look like you would, but by the time tomorrow comes I'm sure you will.

[It's pretty clear Filbo admires Constantine, yeah. Perhaps it's undeserved, perhaps it isn't, but in the end it's obvious he does think highly of him despite being willing to outright say he's a mess of a person and that finding him in this state was far from how he usually sees Constantine in general]

[Constantine allows himself to be guided to the gazebo, then slumps down in the seat across from Filbo. Although his eyes are directed towards the currently growing puddle of water that drips onto the floor, he listens attentively to the Grumpus.

When Filbo finishes, Constantine is silent. He just stares blankly at the ground. His fingers are knit together as he leans his arms against his lap. His brain barely registers Filbo putting his paws on his shoulders.]

Huh.

[That's all he says for a few moments--though, most of it could probably be chalked up to the fact that he's heavily inebriated and his brain is chugging like a computer with maybe one too many viruses installed. He lets out a quiet snort.

His instinct is to laugh. But when it comes to Filbo, it...seems wrong to be that harsh. Filbo means the best--John knows that. And, ultimately, his optimism isn't as shallow as John initially thought it to be. So when he states these observations, then it must be true in Filbo's mind.]

I...don't really know what to say, mate. I appreciate you bein' honest. [He lets out a small snort, lifting his head to look at Filbo.] It's a lot more kindness than I deserve, to be honest. I told myself at the start of this that I knew some people would die, I knew things would get bad, but...with every week, it just gets worse and worse. I don't want to keep dragging this out. I don't want more people to die. I don't want you to die.

[Is he...crying? No. That must be the water dripping down his nose.]

John...I have been told way too many times around here I can't go around carrying people's worries and lives as if it was my responsibility.

If I don't get to do it, you don't get to do it either.

[Only recently he has started to accept what seems like common sense. Still feeling guilty about it, but at least he's not...outright blaming himself for not being enough]

[Constantine sighs, nodding slightly. He wipes the water from his face, looking only slightly less miserable than before. It's progress, at least.]

You're right. I don't know why I don't take my own bloody advice.

[He lets out a somewhat shaky laugh, and for a second, it looks like he wants to say something. As soon as he opens his mouth, however, he lets out a retch and doubles over. He...thankfully, does not throw up in front of Filbo, but he just stays like that for a bit.]

I'm fine. I'll be fine. Just give it a second. I--

[He stops. Gets up from his seat. Turns around over the gazebo railing and promptly spits up pure bile and the remnants of that singular sandwich Plumeria gave him earlier. After a few moments, he turns back to face Filbo, looking ill.]

I'm good now. Sorry.

Are you? In that case go inside already! I'm not letting you get close to any of the ship railings or to water. You do look a little better! But I know how booze works, I'm not gonna be leaving you alone around here.

[Because then Constantine goes and falls down one of the railings and the kraken has to pick him up again, hah. Filbo thinks that's a plausible scenario]

[Filbo's probably right...Constantine is more than likely to get into more shenanigans unless he goes and lies down in his room. Constantine nods, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.]

Okay. I'll....I'll head inside. At least with the bloody time loop, I don't have to worry about dryin' off....

[He lets out a shaky laugh.]

Thanks, Filbo. You're...You're a real one, y'know that?

There's nothing to thank. I mean, we're friends, no?

[That's how gratitude works, really. Constantine has been there for him, obviously he'd try to give some of that back -- although he never imagined he'd be finding Constantine drunk at the shore of the lazy river, that part was not something he thought would happen, hah. Oh well]

into each breaking wave

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cw: emeto

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