And with the sweat of your brow...

[bathymetric]

Fun Fact: Did you know that if the multiverse is real, there could be an almost infinite square mileage of completely unexplored ocean out there?

No reason.

...

You wake in one of 25 rooms with a sense of unease that doesn't quite track with how nice the accommodations are. Maybe it has something to do with the giant window leading out to the sea. The temperature is low, which might make you wish you had woken up under the luxurious covers instead of atop them. The lights, too, are low. But next to your bed is a small personal radio, and it's playing a song for you. There's also a small note printed on folded cardstock next to it.

Dear Prospective Citizen,

Welcome to the Helios Suites at New Rapture. The time should currently be 12:00 PM. Please take a moment to get your bearings and become acquainted with your new environment, then meet in the hotel lobby at 1:30 PM sharp for an orientation with Mayor Fontaine.

With only that for guidance, there's only the one thing to do: get out there and start exploring... well, it's hardly a full city, but it's something! And in the halls (or on the wall of your suite or the lobby), you very well may find up to 24 other captives.

What you do until your meeting with Mayor Fontaine, well... that's up to you. Every room certainly gives you something to talk about.

Comments

[bootyhunter]

Liiiiiike, literally?

Or was he just havin' a really good time? I know ya used the word, "horrific," but, uh...

Some people are into some really kinky stuff.

[dullshooter]

Bear in mind I was having my arm chewed off at the time, but from all the screaming and crying and begging to Primus, I think Flywheels was having a bad time.

[...]

But the other guy, however - the DJD's execution techniques are way too elaborate to assume they don't enjoy it.

nsfw, sorry for the psychic damage jeff

[bootyhunter]

So, he got his ass ate-

[STOP!!! STOP IT WITH THIS VERBIAGE, RIGHT NOW-]

Booty chewed clean out, [that wasn't it, it was his face] and the guy still isn't wholly dead as of yet?

Wow. Good for him.

dear god.

[dullshooter]

Oh, no. He's dead. Super dead. 'We looted his corpse and left him to rot' dead.

[bootyhunter]

Uh.

[There Misfire goes, on his side of their large, underwater prison cell, reminding Dandy of the finite nature of his supposedly "human" existence. The very mention of death triggers a psychic itch within him, churning his stomach for a multitude of reasons. He doesn't register the specifics of those emotions, only subliminally feeling the weight of his own abilities being stifled, which physically translates to a whole heap of nervousness and a sensation akin to that of passing gas.

Well, that's okay! It's not like Dandy's got any clue they were there in the first place.]

Didja snag anything good?

[...Ah. That came off as very [insert farty mouth noises here]. So! He'll try again-]

I mean, did you hoist anythin' jiggy or juicy off of his pale, lifeless body? Y'know! For you.

[OOF...]

[dullshooter]

[Let us put this into context: these two have woken up, removed from their respective worlds without warning, in a completely unfamiliar facility with a bunch of strangers, and are discussing whether or not one of them got anything good from their recently deceased friend's corpse.

It's fucking dire.]

Eh, we each got a sip of his innermost energon each.

[bootyhunter]

Ugh, gross! So you drank the juices that came outta his corpse?!

[Dandy, you asked.]

And what the hell is an energoon? Is that his blood, or the other stuff? Blech!

[He wrinkles his nose as though he's imagining something.]

Sticky.

[stop...]

[dullshooter]

It's pretty much everything we survive on. And that's a customary practice.

[Well, not to drink it, but-]

Besides - I don't know what species you are, but I bet you do things that sound pretty gross too.

this is just horrible, jeff, u kindly tag me and this is how i repay u

[bootyhunter]

Ah-huh, yeah.

[Dandy begins to sport a lop-sided grin at that. He's mildly mortified, sure, but this isn't the first time he's come in contact with a cultural practice that puzzles him. The universe is a big place, after all.]

So, robo-cannibalism, huh? Cool! Cool, cool, cool.

[Like mentioned before, Dandy isn't a master of deduction by any means, but when your closest (and frankly, most reliable) friend needs to recharge his literal batteries every night, you pick up a few hints here and there. The names sound a lot like the kinds you'd give a car, or a spaceship. Call it a lucky guess!

He shouldn't be so damn smug about it, but if there's anything that Dandy doesn't lack, it's the confidence that he is right.

Yeah, he really should start working on that.]

'Cause that's whatcha are, right? Word up! I've got a little buddy who's in your boat, but he's probably more, aaaaah-

[Obsolete is the word Dandy is looking for, but QT gets sensitive about it.]

Let's call it old fashioned. Winkety-winkety.

If it helps any, I'm not entirely sure my bag o' bones'll do ya any good, seein' as I'm made of flesh! Not cold, hard metal!

[Or so Dandy believes.

Oh, how wrong he is.

He's all metal, baby! Pyonium, that is.]

I've got hands, legs, lips, and a kickass head of hair!

Oh, and some big, beautiful man parts!*

[*The man parts in question are not exactly "big" or "beautiful!" They're just about average, if well-groomed.]

So, if you need to eat somebody else just to stay alive on SS Rinky Dink over here, I probably won't be your guy, baby. Can we agree on that?

[dullshooter]

[Misfire is all to quick to answer-]

Agreed. I mean, no offense - and I mean it, there's something of an anti-organic sentiment shared by some 'cons - but the idea of doing that grosses me out a little bit. By which I mean a lot. I might've threw up a little in my mouth at the thought, and I don't think we can even do that.

[He relaxes against the wall.]

Besides, we've both had this uniquely exposing and mildly horrific moment with each other - and I think that gives us a special kind of bond.

[bootyhunter]

Aaah, can I get a name with all of that bionic lifeform mumbo jumbo?

[Dandy has made a variety of connections on his journeys through space, and while some were warm and others just plain weird, he's never had time to sit or stew with any of them. Meow and QT are the "friends" he knows the most about, and they're most closely affiliated with Dandy by way of a never-ending lease agreement... The cheapest one the three of them could find.

Which means he's not as grateful for this offer of friendship as he should be, but don't worry, he'll come around.]

As long as you're not askin' me out on a date.

[He growls softly shortly after uttering that. Wow, heterosexuality is fragile.]

You don't sound very pretty.

[dullshooter]

[Damn, bro. Way to offend.]

Wow, way to judge a book by its cover. Or…the sound…of it’s cover.

[He can be pretty!! He’s pink!!!]

Name’s Misfire. What about you, loser?

[bootyhunter]

[That's actually really cute, Misfire...]

I'MNOTALOSER!

[Yes he is.]

The name's Dandy. Space Dandy.

[dullshooter]

[After all…that, Dandy’s outburst is something of a little shocking.


Except - not really. He’s been thoroughly certified as a weirdo, and that’s just par for the course.]

Space Dandy, huh? [No questions there.] Any idea of what you’re doing all the way out here?

[bootyhunter]

[Just as quickly as he burst into metaphorical flames, Dandy simmers down once more. He ruminates on that question for a second, taking his time to answer.]

No.

[He would be more afraid if he wasn't used to scowering entire solar systems in search of his next meal ticket.]

I probably got separated from Beavis and Butthead, somehow.

[He means QT and Meow, respectively.

Did he somehow manage to warp somewhere without them? In regards to portals and being transported into different dimensions, this isn't Dandy's first rodeo.]

Welp! It wouldn't be the first time.

[dullshooter]

Same.

[Misfire’s pretty calm about it, too. For that reason.]

Last I remember we were all on the W.A.P, then - boom, waking up to you yelling about thirst. Eh, I’m sure Krok will show up ‘round a corner any time soon with a plan and a look like he wants to throw me out of the airlock and this’ll all get sorted out.

[Right?]

[bootyhunter]

...Do you get thrown out of airlocks a lot?

[He has considered doing that to Meow on numerous occasions.]

[dullshooter]

I’ve been threatened with it many times.

[don’t sound proud of that, misfire.]

[bootyhunter]

I can see why.

[Dandy hastily bangs on the wall. The nerve of this doofy space-man... He is the one who started this awful conversation.]

Try not to sound so damn chipper about it.

It makes ya seem like a freak! And I don't mean the smexy kind.

[dullshooter]

What? Do you want me to be sad and miserable about it instead? That’s what you want. Me to feel bad.

[bootyhunter]

[Dandy takes pause, squinting hard. He suddenly feels the urge to rub his temples, massaging the skin on either side of his head to get some very necessary blood to flow. He doesn't understand why he's doing this on a conscious level, but beneath the surface, his body is trying to get a hold of something.

A memory, a whisper. A thought that used to be shrouded in fog, drifting betwixt the memories of the others.

At present, it isn't really there anymore.]

But don't you?

[Dandy experiences a pang of guilt within him. Is this how Meow felt?

He does his best to stifle it immediately.]

Why're you lyin' about it?

[dullshooter]

What? [Pff-] No! No way. It’s just what we do. We’re the kind of lads that hit each other with chairs.

[Or tell each other to die, routinely insult each other, punch each other in the face...]

It’s a testament to our friendship that he hasn’t done it yet, really.

[and the last he remembers…they were fighting. Right.]

[bootyhunter]

Done it with you, or kicked your cold, hard, metal keister into an asteroid belt?

[Dandy huffs, the corners his lips upturning slightly. That relationship sounds a lot like the one he shares with Meow, right down to the airlock-threatening bit. Seriously, Dandy has been there, he almost shuttled the cat right out into space one time...]

I hope you make it back to your world and so you're able to challenge him to another one of those chair duels again, one day.

[He hopes they all can, but that's yet to be determined.]

[dullshooter]

I’m sure we will. They’ll probably bust through here any minute, very angry that I wasted all this time talking about wetness with you.

[Smash cut to: one week later]

[bootyhunter]

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Whaaaaatever.

[Dandy plops back onto his bed.]

I'm gonna go back to gettin' some booty-

[cough cough]

Beauty sleep, baby. If your friends come and getcha, can they bust me outta here too? Tell them to drop me of at the nearest BooBies and I'll just ET-phone home sweet floaty home!

[If this conversation continues any further, please note that loud snoring can probably be heard from Dandy's room.]