unknownseas | don't go breaking my heart

[Well. All that sure happened!

Brett hasn't done much for one of these post-trial gatherings thus far, but he's been trying very hard to be functional lately, and...well, the fact that so many other people aren't okay right now just makes that all the more important. So he'll go around telling people, or slipping notes under doors if need be:]

We're going to have some food at the bar, if anyone wants it.

- Brett & Joy

[It feels a little weird to have it there, but...let's be honest. He expects quite a few people will be passing through the bar of the own accord tonight. They may as well not drink on empty stomachs.

There's not a ton going on. Brett's figured out how to turn the light-up dance floor off - it seemed a little inappropriate. Despite being hosted at the bar, Brett hasn't actually set out any alcohol; there's tamagoyaki and a big vat of chicken noodle soup sitting on some tables in the middle of the room, as well as tea for anyone who wants a drink that isn't alcoholic. Everyone who does want to drink can serve themselves. Also, someone has draped a rainbow pride flag over the bar? It seems appropriate given who's throwing the party, at least, and he didn't really have it in his to stop Joy, so.

You're free to turn on some music, if you want. Brett couldn't pick anything out on the jukebox, it seems.]

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[Brett, having taken up anti-poisoning duty at the afterparty, knows full well that Forrest didn't get any of that food. But that also means that he doesn't really know that he's been locked in his room all night. So when he does go by later with a bowl of the remaining soup, he hesitates, and ultimately decides to knock first.]

Forrest? Are you in there?

Yes...?

[It's muffled through the door, but he'll come open it eventually. He's changed from the blue dress at the trial to black; he...looks like he's been crying, and he also looks like he's trying not to look like that.]

...Did you need something?

Just to know if you've eaten.

[Brett has soup! He doesn't look like he's cried at all, though he also has that general distant affect he's had all day that probably doesn't speak to, you know, a huge amount of current emotional stability or anything.

also blake bortles waddles past behind his legs]

I hav- ...What is that.

[He means Blake.]

[Brett blinks, then turns to look for a moment.]

...oh. That's Blake. The penguin.

He's...very cute?

[How does he feel about this.]

Yeah.

[.....]

You wanna see him?

...Sure. You can both come in if you want.

Okay.

[He'll take a step in, turn to see if Blake's following...step further in to coax him along...]

I'm - I'm sorry, did you say you'd eaten...? [From his tone, Brett sort of suspects that Forrest did answer this question and he just fully blanked on it or something.]

...I didn't. Eat or answer the question both.

I don't often feel much like eating after things like that.

Right - yeah, sorry.

[He's gonna put the soup down somewhere in the room anyway, so that he can just go pick up Blake and carry him in.]

Well, I can't make you. I get it, I just force myself most of the time. Just don't...go too long.

I'll try not to.

[Blake is being a good little alien; Forrest is just going to study from over here, he's not used to penguins, to put it lightly.]

Are you going to be all right, Brett?

I'm fine. How about you?

[He sits, balancing the wiggling penguin on his leg for a little extra stability.]

I know today was...rough for you.

...I don't know.

[It's not reassuring, but it's honest.]

I don't feel like I can keep doing this. I'm trying, but...

[Brett sighs, eyes focused on his hand as he runs a thumb idly over Blake's head.]

Yeah. I know what you mean.

[His tone of voice is the same, but spoilers yeah he wasn't fine it was a lie]

I thought you might.

[He knows.]

I can make myself be all right if I can just get through this, but I'm just...tired, and I don't know...

[...]

I hate her so much.

[Brett nods, ducking his head. He knows who Forrest means.]

She was...the first one who really surprised me. Since Hodaka, but that feels...like it happened in another lifetime. Everything was different then. [.....] I didn't know Penelope well, and Vholran and Seo were always...well.

[He gives a little half-shrug. Even if he didn't like them, Brett's never really been one to talk shit just for the sake of it. They aren't his point, anyway.]

But I trusted Aiba.

She promised to take care of me.

[It's quiet.]

She's the only one who's ever promised me that just because she wanted to. It's always just been an obligation for people otherwise. I'm not saying I should matter more than anyone she cares about back home, but...

I tried to tell her on Tuesday that it was...another timeline. Probably not even the one she did know. If you start worrying about every possible future, you'll...

[Well, it's sort of clear now, what "you'll".]

Guess it didn't help. But you're not wrong to be upset. All we really have right now is each other. I'm sure this is - ha, one of those wrong expectations that'll get me killed, but - if we can't try to trust in that even a little, we don't have anything.

She set herself up to fail. I guess that's how she managed to care about everybody involved. But it doesn't feel any better knowing that.

...I've been trying to believe that too.

So if it's going to get you killed, it's likely to do the same to me.

Oh, that's - something a guy I knew used to say. The one who was teaching Peregrine and her friends survival skills. What was it...

[He lets his head drop back against the wall, searching mentally for a moment.]

"Life is disappointment. It affects you because you have the opposite expectation. You expect everything should work out in your best interest. You’re a good person, you deserve it. But nature doesn’t care about your expectations."

Ha, I've listened to those interview recordings a million times. Transcribing those things is a pain. [He sobers again, returning to running a thumb over Blake's head.] He wasn't wrong - about the woods. But he was always so...apart from everyone else. He'd have survived something like this, but he'd have done it by...holing up somewhere. Pushing everyone away. I'm not sure that's any way to live, either.

[For all that Brett feels himself emulating it at times. In emotional distance, if nothing else.]

don't go breaking my heart

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