i am a cage in search of a bird

[crocodiline]

[ The figure inside the frosted glass snaps her fingers, and the glass falls away, sliding into grooves in the ground below. Inside, behind additional bulletproof glass, sits a woman, legs up on a transparent glass desk, absentmindedly petting a... whatever this thing is.

Say hello to your mastermind, everyone! ]

Hey there, everyone. Nice to talk to you in person - my name is Cipher, welcome to my city. Sorry I took so long to show up in person. No need to get up on my account - how about we talk business?

[ Let's drive. ]

Comments

[inaclearing]

Any way? I mean, I guess Forrest was more qualified for the body stuff anyway, but...I know he didn't handle all of them.

[Too many weeks with more than one.]

And there was so much else... [Brett trails off and huffs.] I'm sorry, look at me. You literally died.

[kninja]

Maybe not so literally. I'm back now, aren't I?

[So it's Fine. :)

There's a lot unsaid here to drink in, and to drink on. Obi continues to nurse his beer as he considers both Brett's words and his silences.]

...You really think it'd have been good to get used to it?

[inaclearing]

That doesn't just erase what happened.

[Brett finally drinks a little of his beer, mulling that over.]

For me? No, probably not. But there's other people to think about.

[kninja]

By that token, everyone should've. Then you'd have a different problem on your hands.

[inaclearing]

I think most people did. Or - were to begin with, maybe.

[Lots of people who had been in war, or like, actual murderers...]

[kninja]

You don’t really want a whole group of people thinking murder’s a normal part of life. They might get to thinking, well, that’s just how we solve problems around here—but none of us are really from worlds like that. We can’t live the way we did in here out where we came from, so it’s good to be reminded that this isn’t how it always will be.

[Unless you’re Vholran or Penelope, maybe. Or Nandor. Or—]

Not that that’s all you brought to the group or what I appreciate most about you. And not that it’s gonna get through the guilt of it all, either. But it’s another perspective to think over.

[inaclearing]

[Brett mulls that over, chewing on his lip.]

I guess it's only natural to feel some survivor's guilt. Most of you would have handled it better. [...] Not that I would've done great at the robot fighting, either.

[kninja]

...I guess I didn't do that well either, in hindsight.

[...]

With the guilt, I mean. [He flaps a hand, and maybe he's tired, because it's a little clearer how much his playing it casual is play.] Of course I was fine with the robots. Don't need to understand how they work to stick knives in their joints till they stop moving.

[inaclearing]

[......]

Did you feel guilty?

[kninja]

Mm. I might've slowed down enough to notice what Penelohp was up to that night if I hadn't been so...

[After trailing off for a long, pregnant pause, he sighs and downs another mouthful of beer.]

Well, I did what I did. From now on, I'll just have to live with it.

[inaclearing]

You were trying to help her. That's a good thing. It isn't your fault that it was...

[Brett gestures vaguely with his glass. He'd been angry with her at the time, but hearing what she was trying to avoid with it...well. Of course no one deserves to be tortured by demons forever. Maybe even more than that, though, Brett's too tired to maintain much anger.

(you know now that jobu's not here talking to him)]

...that.

[kninja]

Oh, no, I know. I'm embarrassed she got me like that, but I won't insult either of us by taking any credit for it. She worked for that kill.

[Obi loves to see a girlboss winning...?]

I'm just saying, if I hadn't already felt so lousy about Chief and Li'l Daka, I... would've been less desperate to change things that night. And you're right. It doesn't go away just 'cause being dead didn't stick.

[inaclearing]

...at least you tried to change things at all.

[Brett never did anything like that. Just cowered in his bedroom every Thursday night. But hey - this isn't about him.]

I don't know if something like this can ever entirely go away. If it fades, it'll be with time - not just this. [He blinks.] Not that - I mean, it's great, obviously. It's miraculous. Honestly, it...feels a little unreal.

[kninja]

[Brett it is literally about you.]

It's fine, I get it. I've had a lot longer to get used to the idea we're still around than you guys have.

But since around is what we all are, from now on, I guess we have it. Time, I mean, to wrap our heads around what's happened. ...And each other to rely on while we do.

[inaclearing]

[Nooooo, it isn't though]

Yeah. Yeah, that...should help. You always need someone to talk to, but I don't...think I can go back to my therapist with this. She'd probably try to medicate me for psychosis.

[Honestly it would probably come off as "I had a massive break from reality and wandered around hallucinating for two months", huh.]

[kninja]

...I'm no doctor, but I can't think of a medicine that would help with this.

[And he doesn't understand most of those words.]

...What do you think'll be hardest to deal with, once it's really over? The guilt?

[inaclearing]

[Brett just kind of shrugs. Doesn't seem worth explaining - the point is, Obi's probably right.]

I don't know. It's hard to say how everything will hit once we're out of it - especially since you're all okay after all. [He snorts.] Never lost anyone who came back to life afterwards.

[kninja]

Me neither.

[He pauses for just a moment.]

I got the sense... that you'd lost quite a few before this.

[inaclearing]

Mmm. Yeah. [He snorts.] It almost feels stupid to talk about, after everything, but yeah - my parents both died when I was a kid.

[he does - god, you know the spongebob rainbow thing you do with your hands? he does that.]

"Orphaned Work".

[kninja]

Oh.

[Obi still mostly doesn't get it, because what is an orphaned work? But he understands the two words individually.]

I'm sorry. That's hard.

[inaclearing]

[It's enough to know that he's an orphan and it's some kind of dumb play on that, really. Mean, but in a way Brett honestly kinda accepted on day one.]

Yeah. Thanks. It was a long time ago, but you don't really just...get over it. Anything like that. [.....] God, though, everyone else here has been through so much worse.

[Like, even by default, this whole experience was probably worse! Objectively, at least - Brett's not quite sure he could judge that for himself.]

[kninja]

[He swirls his half a glass of beer, looking into it contemplatively.]

So... what would your advice be? Since everyone's been through so much, and you already know there's no getting over it.

[Sighing, Obi puts his elbow on the table and hunches forward so he can rub the back of his neck without lifting it.]

I like you guys. Well, most of you. I don't want us all going home carrying this much weight with no way to put any of it down.

[inaclearing]

You have to be willing to lean on people. Us, people from home...whoever's there for you. Bottling it up's the worst thing you can do - we've all done it, but it sucks.