unknownseas | I have died every day waiting for you

[That was, in Rose's opinion, even worse than last week. Any loss of life is an awful waste, but for it all to come of some horrible accident...

This week, she doesn't retreat back to her room. She knows now that the people here, or at least enough of them, like to gather after these experiences. Many of the Crystal Gems were the same way; she remembers their post-battle huddles well. It's not a party, really, but...it's good to be together. To have friends around. Maybe, to remember those who were lost.

So this time, she'll go to the cafeteria herself and request some food for everyone. It's just basic snacks, the kind of human food she knows well enough to ask for. There's some hot chocolate provided, too. She definitely knows people enjoy that. It doesn't take too long, since she isn't making most of it, and then she goes to invite everybody she can find.

She doesn't slip any notes underneath doors, for the people she doesn't happen across. Some Crystal Gems didn't join the groups, or maybe did after one battle but not another. Sometimes they wanted to be alone. She never really understood that...but it wasn't her place to tell them otherwise. Weren't they all about freedom?

Everybody probably knows something like this is going to happen again, anyway. It's their choice to come.]

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...I'm mad at them for a lot of reasons.

Sounds about right, with what you've mentioned.

[ ... ]

I'm sorry, by the way. About your friend. I hadn't... I really am.

...It's okay. It happens sometimes in places like that.

[...]

There's something else I might want to mention, but I need you to promise me something first.

[ That's a surprising caveat. ]

Promise what?

Don't tell anyone. And I mean it, I don't want this getting out among anybody here.

[ ... ]

Okay.

...Like I said, my resignation isn't exactly being handed in upfront. I've sold my work to the government, I wanted to have...something set up for when I left, instead of just leaving it up to chance. Some sort of security.

The corporation found out. Right before I came here, they...uh.

[Something in his expression definitely shifts, then; he's smirking quite a bit, but it's not the usual overconfident expression he gets often. This is...something else entirely. More like he has no real idea what to do with his face.]

They really don't like it when people leave. You know?

[Yeah.]

You remember during that first meeting, I told Nira that at least some of us were brought somewhere else? To have stuff done to us? I know that because last I remember, I was being shot.

[Yeah.]

I was being shot a whole lot, actually.

[ Oh.

Oh, Jesus Duck Christ. ]

[ Della abruptly starts to stand and wobbles a little because uh, she's been sitting for so long that her damn foot is asleep, but that's fine, hopping on the metal one is fine. ]

They- the Professor's damn experiment saved your life?

Yeah. Yeah, I guess it's something like that.

[He shrugs a bit, trying to at least mentally shift gears a little.]

You probably don't remember. But I thanked him for bringing me here, that first time we talked to him. In front of God and everyone. That's why.

[ She doesn't remember, it's true. She was...a bit busy, being absolutely furious and trying to inquire about her kids. ]

What the hell... That's... How do you even, with something like...

[ Yeah, give her a moment to try and wrap her head around this. ]

...So I imagine you've got some mixed feelings. On the whole situation.

Mixed feelings? No. I...

[He shakes his head, the gesture strange and repetitive, more through stress than anything before he seems to realize and make myself stop.]

I can't... I can't die here, Della. This sort of thing, it's why this absolutely needs to be me first and the rest of you second as far as I'm concerned, because I can't die here and I'm not going to... I'm not going to stand there and let someone else kill me because they've decided that they're...that they're goddamn important, you know?

[Is he making a whole lot of sense, probably not. It's fine. This is... It's fine, just give him a moment.]

[ It's now that she understands why he made her promise. This is the sort of thinking, the sort of thing that'd get people to jump to conclusions, and...there's a piece of her clearly uncomfortable with this, because--

Della slowly nods. ]

...I understand. After all that... After going through hell, you're not going to let anyone else kill you here.

...I really shouldn't be talking about this.

[Again, he seems to be trying to regain some semblance of control over himself, at least.]

I'll deal with it, it's fine. It's just been a lot, I guess. I can't...really let anything happen.

I won't tell anyone. I mean what I said.

[ Just...as a reminder. ]

...That's why it doesn't feel like a choice, to... If it's me, or someone else. ...Even though I wanted to save Alice. It wasn't a choice. It was what I had to do.

Because you've got family to get back to and all that. And you don't want to die, presumably.

[...]

It's natural to do that in here, I guess. It's just kind of been getting to my head a bit. Overthinking, like I said.

My sons deserve the chance to know their mom. I'm not doing that to them again.

[ This has all been a very enlightening conversation, huh? ]

...Why do you think I offered to spitball? When you're stuck alone in your own head for...awhile, it can drive anyone, uh...a little crazy. Speaking from experience.

I have died every day waiting for you

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