hey mom, dead mom, i need a little help here

[nothingcanstop]

[ ...All of that happened, huh. That's the sentiment each and every week, and it's no different this time. Except, this time they've lost more people than before. Five.

The gathering invitation is slipped under everyone's doors, but it specifies something a little different. ]



[ That's a good two hours or so of difference. Enough time to wander around, for sure.

But, in the garden, at the appointed time, there's a variable arrangement of fresh-cooked food. A good amount of beef stew, some Chinese hot pot, and...watermelon? Just, an absurd amount of watermelon, cut up and set on plates. All the food's set on tables that seem to have been moved from the library, and the ground is littered with blankets, for those who don't want to sit on the grass.

And yes, she did not lie. There is, indeed, a variable fuckton of alcohol. (And coffee, for our underaged.)

This has become routine. But, we're still here. We're still alive. ]

Comments

[hardnosed]

[ Jasper, unsurprisingly, doesn't show at the dinner itself! You can definitely find her around in the preparation stages — singlehandedly carrying those tables from the library to the garden, glaring at the contents of the bar before doing the same for virtually all the alcohol it contains, and slicing up a, frankly, deeply upsetting watermelon child with a carving knife in the kitchen.

Before any of that, though, she comes to the garden. She slowly unsheathes an elaborate pink sword. This is what she used to do it, 5,000 years ago. This is what she used to fake it. But thinking about that, remembering anything about what it entails or how irrevocably it changes her entire wasted existence, is too much for her. She lets her breath go in a low, pained hiss, she swings...

(She talks like a Diamond.)

... and she starts fighting the nearest tree. Or fighting at it, really. She slices deep into the bark on the trunk, kicks it, sends leaves showering in every direction, until she gives up, at which point she turns on the poison garden and rips the wolfsbane wholesale from the ground. Her left hand, still faintly rusty with Rhea's blood and overflowing with purple petals, opens and lets them fall to the ground, and then she grips the hilt harder than ever with both hands. This is where she buried half of her — for a misdirection nobody even noticed. This is what Rose (Pink) sacrificed everything for. This is what she still can't understand.

(I know, Jasper. I know. No sinner goes unpunished.)

She looms over the hollyhock, which she knows Rose (Pink) planted — of course she's been keeping tabs on her this whole time, did you expect her not to be a weirdo angry stalker? — sword raised. There's a long, still moment. She thinks about the unsightly image of herself, half turquoise, her arm deformed, crawling through her own birthplace like a mindless beast, sacrificing everything to destroy the one person she was made to protect.

(It doesn't matter! Even if it destroys me, I need to...!)

And she plunges it into the earth beside it before storming out. ]

garden

[nothingcanstop]

[ It was fortuitous, honestly, that Della ran into Jasper before all this. Or, maybe Jasper ran into her. She has no idea who really was looking for the other, just that Della needed help with putting something together, and Jasper needed...something.

Through most of the prep, Della mostly just...directs her places to go, for the tables, and the food, just helps with things. They don't have time to talk, not that she thinks Jasper would want to.

But, there's a little time where Della, being unable to carry tables and unable to cook, has nothing to do. So, she disappears for awhile. And, she returns to check on progress, just in time to see a sword plunge into the ground.

She stands very still, in the northern doorway. Is...Jasper storming this way? Or to the south? ]

[hardnosed]

[ Oh, you'd better believe it's the northern doorway! The last thing she needs is to walk into a room full of rocks.

Instead, she walks into a doorway full of... duck, singular. She stops before she can plow Della over, at least, but her stance, her lack of expression, the way her fists clench tight — none of it looks good. For a solid three seconds, she just stares down at her.

How much of that did she see? After the trial, does it really even matter? ]

It was hers, [ she finally says, her voice uncharacteristically low and toneless. ] I got it the first week we were here.

[nothingcanstop]

[ Della doesn't move. For a moment, it looks like she might, recognition crossing her face as she cranes her neck back to look up at her.

But.

The singular flash of fear fades. ]

And you kept it. [ There's no reason to explain why. ] That was the hollyhock, right?

[hardnosed]

[ She grunts in the affirmative. ]

It's the sword she used to shatter her. I wasn't going to just...

[ And also she really wanted to see the look on Rose's face when she destroyed her with it in a melodramatic display of grim irony, but that's going to have to go unstated, because another stormcloud crosses her face. ]

Ugh, I don't know.

[nothingcanstop]

Everything’s twisted up right now. Isn’t it?

[ It’s a bit of a gimme answer, but Della still doesn’t move. ]

[hardnosed]

[ She opens her mouth, most of her 7000 horrible square teeth on display, to say that it's earth, where nothing's ever not twisted, and then she cuts herself off with a disgusted ch noise. ]

No. You've got it wrong, Della. [ HAS SHE EVER USED HER NAME BEFORE... ] It's always been just like this — and I was just too stupid to see it.

[ Rose's true identity, Rhea's true priorities, the truth of what's going to happen to her. Any of it. ]

Why aren't you leaving.

[nothingcanstop]

[ Oh. She... ]

...I just... I was worried about you. [ ... ] And, I... I have something for you.

[hardnosed]

[ ... Of course. Either she thinks she's going to do something self-destructive or, infinitely worse, she pities her. Thankfully, there's something else Jasper can focus on! ]

What is it?

[nothingcanstop]

[ Della wordlessly pulls a small letter from her jacket pocket. ]

It's...it's from her.

[hardnosed]

[ Before Della can fully get the paper out, as soon as the words register, Jasper's grabbed it. If she doesn't let go in time, she might rip it a little at the corner. As she suspected, it doesn't take long to read. Without looking at Della, she intones: ]

That's it.

[ She'd ask it, as a question, but it's too clear what the answer is. Why would she explain anything to her in death? She didn't want to do it when she was alive. What she's holding, right now, is all she's ever going to get. ]

She must have known — if she was shattered, someone would put it together, Therion or Nira or somebody. She had to have known.

[nothingcanstop]

[ She lets it go once Jasper has a hand on it--but a small piece does tear, if only because she wasn't expecting Jasper to move that fast.

Della expects a question, but no, Jasper has this together, it seems. Even if she doesn't want it. ]

She...said in mine she expected it. That, if I was reading this, there'd be a lot everyone would learn, and... [ She lets loose a small sigh. ] She asked me to let her friends know, just what happened to her. But...not this. She said it was Pearl's decision to tell.

[hardnosed]

[ ... Oh, of course that was her Pearl. But then she thinks about the rest of them, the fusion and the runt, and— ]

She didn't even tell the rest of them?

[ She sounds genuinely shocked as she asks the question, but then she chuckles under her breath, a low and unpleasant noise, as the rest of it filters through to her. Her eyes are still on the paper. ]

Of course not. It's not like she could tell the Crystal Gems the truth when they were an army, but now... there's only four of them left. Everyone they fought alongside was broken or turned into monsters, because they believed in a Gem who didn't even exist.

[nothingcanstop]

[ This is airing Rose's dirty laundry...but at this point, doesn't Jasper deserve a little more? Even a little something? ]

I'm sorry, Jasper. [ What else can she say? ] ...She... She probably thought this was the only option, but this, it...

...None of you deserved it.

[hardnosed]

Every Gem deserves better than to serve the Diamonds. ]

You don't know what I—

[ What is she even saying? Why is she standing here, throwing a tantrum and letting someone as tiny and weak as Della watch her do it? If she didn't think she was pathetic when she got here, she'll certainly know it now. ]

It doesn't matter. It happened, and she's gone, and there's nothing anyone can do to change that.

[nothingcanstop]

[ But, Della doesn't regard her with pity. Just concern. ...Does Jasper know the difference? ]

It does matter, because...because it hurt you. And...! [ She struggles with what to say, very much. ] ...I care about you, Jasper.

[hardnosed]

You—

[ She doesn't. She never has. ]

You don't mean that. You're just telling me what you think I want to hear, so I don't — don't do something stupid that gets us all killed when I'm unstable.

[nothingcanstop]

[ Is it something she wants to hear? Della shakes her head, emphatic. ]

No, I-- I don't say things I don't mean, I swear it. I do care about you. I want to help you. This isn't...it's not about the good of the group, or anything. It's about you.

[hardnosed]

[ Jasper's arms have dropped to around chest level, now that there's nothing more to read. She shifts the paper to just one hand and lets them fall to her sides. ]

Why?

[ Her gruff voice is low and dangerous. Her face — well, she turns away from Della the second she opens her mouth, so that's nothing one can judge on. She takes one stride forward, as if she's about to storm off, and then she stops.

Refusing to accept Steven's help, she loses her mind and form to corruption. ]

Why do I want to believe you?

[nothingcanstop]

[ Honestly, Della doesn't think she's going to stop. She doesn't think any of that's going to...lead to anything.

But, even though Jasper can't see, she perks up. Like there's a light in the lighthouse again. ]

I...can't answer that for you, Jasper. ...But, I... It might be because... [ ... ] Because some part of you doesn't want to do all this alone anymore.