unknownseas | hey mom, dead mom, i need a little help here

hey mom, dead mom, i need a little help here

[ ...All of that happened, huh. That's the sentiment each and every week, and it's no different this time. Except, this time they've lost more people than before. Five.

The gathering invitation is slipped under everyone's doors, but it specifies something a little different. ]

[ That's a good two hours or so of difference. Enough time to wander around, for sure.

But, in the garden, at the appointed time, there's a variable arrangement of fresh-cooked food. A good amount of beef stew, some Chinese hot pot, and...watermelon? Just, an absurd amount of watermelon, cut up and set on plates. All the food's set on tables that seem to have been moved from the library, and the ground is littered with blankets, for those who don't want to sit on the grass.

And yes, she did not lie. There is, indeed, a variable fuckton of alcohol. (And coffee, for our underaged.)

This has become routine. But, we're still here. We're still alive. ]

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If I wanted to do that, I'd already be there. Or... Or already running at the gym, or I'd go find Birkin and ask if I could paint part of his stupid puppet again. But I don't want to do any of that, I just...

[ ugh!!! ]

Is it about Anna? Or Rhea?

Rhea got what she deserved. If anything, she's the silver lining.

[ Rin talks shit about Rhea at her own funeral, pt. 1752 ]

[ Della doesn't contradict her. ]

...Then, Anna.

[ Rin is going to assume that means Della agrees, because she's cranky and petty!!! ]

She could have just — not. But she was so convinced there wasn't any other way...

It sounded like she’d been set on this for a long time. ...That she grew up in a way that...made her believe there really wasn’t another way.

I know.

I kept telling her that her stupid GRANBELM wouldn't work, but she just couldn't accept that. Did you know that they've been holding that for hundreds of years? What kind of idiots look at something like that and say, well, it failed every other time, but maybe if we just do the same thing again and again it'll magically work out differently this time?

[ As far as Rin is concerned, her life was wasted on nothing. ]

Edited 2020-05-17 19:57 (UTC)

...I almost wonder if they even wanted someone to win. If...she was set up for failure.

I think... I don't know. I think she what she said was the truth, when she told me that the mages of her world made the whole thing up to get rid of that seal.

But, I think... I think there was something wrong with it. Either the ritual was defective, or the seal just couldn't be removed. And now she's dead, because those people would rather cling to some fantasy of the past than try to find a way forward into the future.

...It reminds me of Rhea. Not- not, Anna. But the way those mages sound. Clinging to something long-gone, even if it costs other people their lives.

It's...

[ Rin sighs, hard, too many emotions tangled up in the sound for any one of them to come across in it. ]

It's the same way in my world. Magic has gotten weaker and weaker, and those of us who learned to adapt survived. The families that just wanted to cling to what being a magus used to mean — their own stubbornness killed them.

Did she... tell you about that stuff? Any of it?

...A little. Not much, honestly. About the...Magiaconatus, the tournament. How magic was sealed and...it was her dream to fix it.

We talked about that stuff pretty often. Like I said, our worlds were a lot alike. I guess that's why, I...

She should have had a dream better than turning back time to a world she never knew.

Did she ever talk about anything else she wanted to do? I know she was good at sewing, but... I wonder if she had any other ideas of what to do with her life, or if she was really set in that for so long.

Not really. We mostly talked about our worlds, and the theories we had about this place.

[ And that one time they talked about Ernesta. Rin wonders about that, now. ]

But... The problem wasn't that she wanted to devote herself to magic. It still exists just fine in her world, from what she told me, even if it isn't as strong as it used to be.

Like, if she found a way to make new magic stones instead, or invented some new way mages could apply their talent with only a little bit of magical energy... Shouldn't that be just as good?

It should be. But... I think she was... From what she said, it sounded like...she was very unhappy, in a few ways. She thought winning would fix all her problems.

I know that's what she thought. But that's the problem, isn't it? That she... I don't know. That she grew up around people who convinced her that was the only way forward. That doing that was the only way she could matter.

I just wish she would have listened to me.

Edited 2020-05-18 15:29 (UTC)

...There's a lot we can hope would be different. Rose, I kept...hoping she'd open up to me. But... Right now we can only keep moving forward. No matter how hard it is.

I wasn't planning on doing anything else.

[ ... ]

What did you hope she would open up about?

[ Though, of course, after today, it seems like Rose had a lot more secrets than Rin had remotely expected! ]

...She would keep getting upset, by things I said, or...things she saw. I just wanted her to...to talk to me, to help me understand what was hurting her. So I could try and help her with it. Or...at least stop bringing up old feelings.

[ Rin nods to that, because she's thinking, and it takes her a few seconds to speak. ]

I never realized how much she was hiding. She always felt open to me, when we talked. I don't know if it was just because we're both... rebels, I guess. Maybe the things she wanted to talk about with me were just the things she could speak freely, without hiding too much.

Yeah, it was always things where...she was getting upset. It was always when I talked about...being angry, or... Well, when I tried to talk to her about something from the vending machine, something she said was Pink Diamond's.

...The way she talked about the Diamonds...

I can't imagine how much guilt she was carrying around. And I can only guess, but it seems to me that she never felt like what she did was enough to make up for the person she used to be.

[ And, in some ways, Rin thinks that isn't without cause. But, then, she can only imagine what happened to make someone like that realize she was wrong. Those kinds of people never change, in Rin's mind; she hadn't needed to look any farther than Rhea for proof of that. ]

It was in front of our faces the whole time. She hated herself.

[ The profiles said it, after all. They were just a bit redundant. ]

...I just wish she could've tried to talk to Jasper. I'm...sympathetic, to both of them. But, there's a lot left over...and a lot Rose would never listen to anyone about.

But she did try, didn't she? At least, to convince her she's misguided. In the end, that's on Jasper for not listening.

[ Rose had explained the situation to her with sympathy, but... Well, as pitiable as Rose had made her sound, Rin only feels it now, after everything that's happened. ]

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nothingcanstop - 2020-05-20 23:57 (UTC) - Expand

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