COMMENCE VOYAGE

[bathymetric]

Fun Fact: Did you know the Atlantic Ocean has a surface area of 41.1 million square miles? No reason.

...

There's something uneasy in the air as you come to.

Well, "come to" is an interesting word in this case. It implies waking up, which is not exactly what happens. None of you are in beds, nor are you really asleep in the traditional sense. One moment you're somewhere else, doing something else with your time, and the next? You're somewhere on board a massive cruise ship - maybe lounging on a deck chair by the pool, maybe getting some Gains in the exercise room, maybe enjoying the tasteful décor in the buffet - and you have no idea how you got here or how you might get back. This is not your beautiful house. If you have a beautiful wife, she isn't here.

What you do have, apart from 25 other unlucky souls, is a small smartphone-like device in your pocket with only a handful of things on it: a clock reading 11PM, a pdf of a ticket in your name on a special Atlantic Liners New Year's Eve Cruise, an app labeled Passenger Profiles with some basic information on your traveling companions, and a message:

Welcome aboard, passenger! Please feel free to partake of any of the facilities while you wait for the big event! Remember: when midnight comes, you better make your way to the theatre at the back of Level 1 for the main event! The Captain and the First Mate will be there to take care of you all personally, and to help you ring in the new year in style!

Well, that's a start. But what you do until then, it seems, is up to you!

Comments

pool

[scouserer]

We're a long way from Ontario, mate.

[Between the dress shirt and trenchcoat, Constantine looks ill-fitted to be sitting so close to the edge of the pool. He's kind of stretched out on the floor.

His hand instinctively reaches into his pockets for a cigarette before he remembers that everything had been taken, and he scowls.]

Best I can guess is that we're somewhere in the Atlantic. Jury's still out on where, which doesn't give us much to go on. If I were you, I'd just sit back and wait for the captain to show up.

[queceracera]

That Atlantic? [Inside Scott's head, some extremely rusty gears are turning.] Like New York?

[Hang on. He'll make a coherent statement in a sec.]

Oh fuck! Gideon put me on a boat instead of killing me himself? Not that I really wanted to fight him anyway...

[Or not. He could say something totally incoherent instead.]

[scouserer]

[Well, that's a concerning statement. Constantine raises an eyebrow.]

Who's Gideon?

[He seems to have accepted that this kid will just say whatever shit he wants. It's fine.]

At least you're still alive, though. That's something, right?

[queceracera]

I got an extra life when I defeated Todd. [He waves a hand dismissively.] Besides, my last save wasn't that far back so I can save scum as much as I want.

[Scott is digging through his pockets absently while he says this, like he's looking for something.]

[scouserer]

[Constantine blinks, absolutely not understanding a single word out of this man's mouth. He's just going to. Keep rolling with it. It's fine. He's now under the impression that this dude stole someone's soul.]

Uh, suppose I didn't know what 'save scumming' was. Mind enlightening me on what it is you want to accomplish?

[He watches as Scott searches his pockets.]

Whatever you're looking for, you're not gonna find it. Bastard took everything from our pockets.

[queceracera]

I'm looking for the clue. There's always a clue in your pockets when stuff like this happens.

[He finally finds the smartphone thing and there's a weird noise. He quickly reads the message on it.]

Well, that feels impersonal. Usually they send me a letter or call me.

[scouserer]

For me, they usually gloat at me one-on-one. At least use my bloody name.

[Constantine, to his credit, does not react to the sound whatsoever.]

You happen to see your own profile? Seems like whoever this captain is, he likes collecting information.

[queceracera]

[Scott flicks through the profiles until he gets to his own and looks it over.]

Well at least they didn't list my occupation as unemployed. [Scott seems pretty unconcerned with the idea of the profiles.] Weird to have them on here instead, though.

[scouserer]

[Constantine squints at his own phone, scrolling down to the picture that matches the man before him. Scott Pilgrim, huh? Though something catches his eye--]

The hell is the League of Evil Exes? Sounds like a shit name.

[queceracera]

Oh, Ramona's ex-boyfriend Gideon got all of her exes together and they made a League of Evil Exes I have to defeat. [This is said very casually, like the mere concept isn't absurd.] I got all the way up to six before Ramona disappeared on me.

[scouserer]

Hate it when that happens.

[Damn. And Constantine thought he had lady troubles.]

You want my advice? Sounds to me like she wanted to ghost if she saw you take on that many of her exes and didn't offer any sort of response.

[@ constantine, your_experiences_are_not_universal.jpg]

[queceracera]

I mean, she said she loved me and we moved in together and stuff, so it wasn't like. Nothing? But, uh. I think she was. Working through some stuff? Maybe?

[scouserer]

[Constantine can't help but let out a snort.]

We're all working through stuff, kid. Even if she did love you, it never lasts.

[Wow........okay.]

I'd say to forget about it and relax while you can on this cruise, because I doubt our captain kidnapped us so he could have us enjoy a tropical cruise. Especially not at eleven at night.

[queceracera]

He's probably going to try and kill us, isn't he?

[Scott would like to have a nice time just once and not have to get into a weird fight. Just once!!! Just one time!!!]

[scouserer]

Magic eight-ball says 'signs point to yes'.

[Constantine leans back in his seat, seemingly unconcerned.]

I'm sure you'll be fine. You already beat up, like, what, six ex-boyfriends without dying? That's pretty impressive.

[queceracera]

Yeah, but that's different. I took hand-to-hand and longsword as my combat proficiencies. Whenever people who kidnap you and put you on boats try to kill you, they make death traps and I have a -1 to puzzle solving.

[Stats
Intelligence: ★☆☆☆☆
Strength: ★★★★☆
Speed: ★★★☆☆
Durability: ★★★★☆
Energy Projection: ☆☆☆☆☆
Fighting Skills: ★★★★★]

[scouserer]

[It's only now that Constantine realizes that he's using video game terminology to refer to himself. How annoying. Constantine narrows his eyes.]

Well, I suppose you'll just have to team up with someone who can solve puzzles, yes?

[Constantine isn't really so much good as solving puzzles as opposed to flipping the entire puzzle upside down and rendering it ineffective.]

Maybe you ought to get started on your search.

[queceracera]

[Why's everyone think it's weird!!! Everyone knows the world works like a video game but it's actually a comic!]

That's only good if the guy behind this doesn't go full Jigsaw.

[scouserer]

[fun fact saw was released in 2004 which is exactly one year before constantine's current canon point! so that's neat. and of course constantine saw it, because he would.]

Hopefully, I won't have to go digging any keys out of anyone's stomach or anything.

[but hopefully this won't turn into a torture fest....]