Freyja, Queen of Nightmares (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dokkalfheimr) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
unknownseas2021-02-06 04:50 pm
dokkalfheimr) wrote in unknownseas2021-02-06 04:50 pm
And we're all adrift together through the cold mist, 'til we're lifeless together
[The preparations hit differently this time.
Last weekend was at least an attempt at being festive, even with the light supplies they have; at being joyous, at giving people at least one nice thing to look back upon before things inevitably took a turn for the worse. And now two people are dead, and instead of trying to figure out structure placement and how best to keep everyone entertained and occupied and well-fed, the preparations now are given to much more practical purposes.
Large amounts of bottled water from the machine. Bagels and bread and muffins, light starchy things to avoid forcing anyone to keep meat or seafood down after seeing a corpse. Fruit for the sake of providing energy. Avoiding including bananas for any reason. Quietly pulling aside one of the first people she sees with any experience in the matter and asking them to help her make tea.
Once she's got one of the tables at the party zone set up and the tea is on its way to being prepared, she'll set around letting people know; the invitations are simple, written in Freyja's broad, elegant handwriting:
I think another gathering tonight would be beneficial. Not to celebrate, but to remember; perhaps more importantly, to ensure that no one is alone if they don't want to be.
Tonight is hard. There is nothing further to do but get through it.]
Last weekend was at least an attempt at being festive, even with the light supplies they have; at being joyous, at giving people at least one nice thing to look back upon before things inevitably took a turn for the worse. And now two people are dead, and instead of trying to figure out structure placement and how best to keep everyone entertained and occupied and well-fed, the preparations now are given to much more practical purposes.
Large amounts of bottled water from the machine. Bagels and bread and muffins, light starchy things to avoid forcing anyone to keep meat or seafood down after seeing a corpse. Fruit for the sake of providing energy. Avoiding including bananas for any reason. Quietly pulling aside one of the first people she sees with any experience in the matter and asking them to help her make tea.
Once she's got one of the tables at the party zone set up and the tea is on its way to being prepared, she'll set around letting people know; the invitations are simple, written in Freyja's broad, elegant handwriting:
I think another gathering tonight would be beneficial. Not to celebrate, but to remember; perhaps more importantly, to ensure that no one is alone if they don't want to be.
Tonight is hard. There is nothing further to do but get through it.]
no subject
Instead he chuckles a bit nervously]
Oh, it's just me thinking aloud. You know, having to be aware you could have died today makes you think some funny things!
[As if that was an apology]
Today just brought some bad memories back to mind, that's all. It's...really complicated.
no subject
Yeah, I'm familiar. [ She's far too familiar.
There's something...cold about the way Chloe's speaking. ] You're wrong, you know. When you think someone's still out there, it just makes sit all worse. You start to get hope.
no subject
[That was a far more straightforward response than he expected, admittedly. Chloe doesn't waste any time, she went straight to the core of the matter]
I-I know there's the uncertainty, but... [Filbo winces] ...something about finding out the truth is...is just so painful when it's not the truth you were hoping for.
[For example, he sure wouldn't know how to even start explaining to anyone who knows Carmen or Shard the circumstances of their deaths. As far as their loved ones know, they just went missing. Possibly that's all they'd ever know, and that may be for the best, no?
The uncertainty seems just so more comforting than knowing things for real]
no subject
[ Her hand trembles. She's looking out at the sea, not at Filbo, she can't look at anyone right now.
For six months, she yearned and hoped. Six months... ]
It's hell. [ Her voice shakes. ] It's the worst fucking thing that can happen to a person.
no subject
S-Sorry...
[Well, that's a start. He hadn't expected any of this, but...maybe it's for the better? To get all that shouted to his face?
They say truth hurts. Maybe this is what they mean -- to have truth shoved so hard right at you you can only stare and not even know what to say because nothing seems right. Where either you accept it, or shut it down and continue your denial knowing it's wrong, unlike before, where it was just what seemed right.
He wasn't prepared for that]
...is it cowardly? To try to hold onto not knowing for sure?
[He sounds like he already has a feeling what the answer to that is, and doesn't like it one bit]
no subject
God, she's the fucking worst.
Chloe's tense shoulders drop and she focusing on getting that joint lit. She has to calm down. She has to. ]
Yeah. [ ... ] All you're doing is making everything hurt worse, when it comes crashing down.
no subject
[Such a strange feeling, to have all that right there in a way he can't pretend it wasn't ever said. Even if he left now, all Chloe said is going to keep bouncing around in his head -- loud and painful. Clearly he had touched a nerve. Way to go, Fiddlepie, you touched a nerve and it was a pretty raw one.
...he was the one at fault, wasn't he?]
Sorry, all that happened today--it made me think of some things. Bad memories, mostly. I keep thinking about what those at Shard and Carmen's homes would feel if they found out what happened, and if...not finding out would be kinder. And then, if something happens to me, maybe those at my home would feel better not finding out either.
[Filbo takes a deep breath. He's not someone who cries, really. Suffer, get sad for a while, accept the hard blows...and when he has regrets he then tries to use to fuel himself and go on until the regret is gone and things are okay. So far? It had worked.
It seemed like it'd work forever. Better to hold onto the uncertainty than to affront reality]
It was...it was what was working for me. So I thought it'd help others as much as it had help me, but...I guess if I was even thinking about that in the first place then it meant I was aware it wasn't for the best?
[This isn't easy to be talking about at all]
cw: drugs
A little overeager, Chloe takes a puff off her joint as soon as she lights it. She hopes the gentle numbing hits fast. ]
I thought it was the right thing to do too. That's how I know it's not. [ Bad memories, he's saying. Does that mean...? Ugh, idiot. ] ...It's just something...I have experience with.
no subject
Sorry, it's not like me to get all depressing for long. I mean...I admit I have been through some rough things? But every time I just let it hit me for a while and then I try to just leave it all behind. I just find it easier than being sad for long, so I can go on and try to put some good back into the world.
[That probably is why he can roll with the punches. Despite everything, he really is a really stable person in many ways, but, well...]
...until there's something you just can't stop thinking about even if you go on with your life. You see, I...well...I have these two friends. I know where they are, even though officially it's said they went missing. I can't go into much detail, but they...
[Filbo tries to find the right words without breaking the decision to keep the events of Snaktooth Island a secret. He wants to talk about them! But they're a secret for many reasons, among them that talking about it hurts. Boy, if the vending machines decides to break the secret and unleash Bugsnax on the ship he just will have to, hah]
...they made it possible for me and others to go on with our lives. Even though they wouldn't be able to. Since five months ago they have been trapped in a remote island, and even though I know they were prepared for it, I...I wanted to think they're still there, alive and kicking. That even though nothing could be done to help them now, they're still alive.
Even if it's just so I...I s-stop feeling guilty about...about them staying behind.
[After five months he still wants to think they have managed to survive for that long, but Filbo knows too well everything is stacked against those two. He just kept telling himself they surely were fine, and that somehow they were doing well.
Knowing that Shard and Carmen wouldn't go home, wouldn't their loved ones want that for themselves too? To believe Shard and Carmen were somewhere else, alive and kicking? If what works for Filbo is good, then it's good for those two's loved ones, but there comes Chloe, apparently saying it's not as kind as he thought. Was he just...thinking that because it's the easiest thing to do, instead of it being the right thing?]
no subject
I got this problem. Thinkin' I've got a...monopoly, on pain. [ Another puff, breathing in, exhaling. ] I'm sorry, about your friends. I... If that works for you, good. But...it won't for everyone. It doesn't.
no subject
...healthy?
[Is it healthy to be lying to yourself just to be making yourself feel better? He doesn't know]
no subject
Healthy? Trust me, I don't know fuck or shit about what's healthy.
no subject
[Oh well. That's life. Filbo stares at the ocean below them, a bit awkward]
...well, I guess I have a lot of time ahead to try to make some sense out of all this. I already spent too many days feeling sorry about myself, it's about time I stop doing that.
[Easier said than done! But he's going to try, that's for sure. Not going to forget Chloe's harsh words, though, that was...quite something]
Oh, before I forget! I talked to Davy Jones. Turns out you were right, he really isn't so bad!
no subject
No, it’s fine. ]
Oh. Yeah? Well...good. [ What Davy Jones said is causing her an amount of grief, but... No, it’s fine. ] Just don’t piss him off and...he seems like a chill dude.
no subject
[It really may be hard to imagine Filbo drunk]
cw: underage drinking references
Yeah, no, you're definitely hella straight-laced. Leave the drinking to us pros.
no subject
[Just keep the Marlot away, thanks, hah! But yeah, at least he's acquaintances with booze, even though he probably doesn't get drunk all that often]
no subject
[ Ah, hedonism! That's a much better conversation topic! ]
no subject
[Party concoctions, really. You can't have a good party without 'liquid courage', haha!]
no subject
no subject
[Filbo laughs]
But if you ever get something stronger I'd give it a try. Just don't think too badly of me if I make faces the first time.
no subject
no subject
[It probably will be hilarious for a person and that person likely won't be Filbo, hah]
no subject
[ Filbo does not deserve this and I will say it a thousand times. ]
no subject
That's what I wanted to hear!
[Filbo leans away from the railing. It's getting late, there's a gathering to attend...he can't go sulking around for long. That's just not in his nature! But still...]
I hope you're feeling a little better. As for me, uh...I'll...I'll think about everything you said. I know maybe you're regretting saying all that, but I'm not gonna dismiss it. Don't be sorry, alright?
[He really will give it a lot of thought. Chloe has no idea of the profound effect she had on him, hah.
Gotta go, Chloe! See you!]
(no subject)