unknownseas | into each breaking wave

into each breaking wave

[ Well, that was — no pun intended — unfortunate. ...But in light of what they already saw happen the first two weeks, maybe it's not really that surprising, either; and maybe it's at least a little easier to recognize when something is going to be a lost cause, if not necessarily to accept it.

In spite of everything, this is the first time Decus has been in a halfway decent mood after a trial, which he can gather is... probably not the case for most of the rest. So he figures he can take on the party host duties for this week rather than push it onto someone who needs a break. Anyway, he wants to keep up this feeling-okay thing for as long as he can, and if he has too much downtime and starts to think about what happened a week ago today... he might end up a little less okay.

So, he brings some food down to the buffet from the cafes for a little variety (even though most of them probably aren't going to be too picky at this point), along with some tea and cocoa from Starbucks and a few harder options from the bar, and gets that all set up in as welcoming an arrangement as he can manage. And...

Well. Despite how he may come off sometimes, he actually is self-aware enough to realize that some of the others might not appreciate being reminded that he's still alive when three people who'd never had any intention of killing are dead. It doesn't really bother him, but he doesn't want to create unnecessary drama, either; so he doesn't put his name anywhere on the invitations he puts up around the place, just a simple:

food and drinks at the buffet

...Which is almost always the case, technically, this past week excluded, but hey.

And while he might come by to offer a drink or something to someone who looks like they need it, he's mostly going to hang back and let everyone do their thing. ]

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Do you honestly think this is just about Sara? Surely you aren't so foolish as to assume the weeks of futile repetition haven't had any effect, and that this is the only thing to which I finally bother to take offense?

[He stood up from his chair at that, not stepping forward but clearly tense enough for a confrontation.]

Maybe I don't understand any of you--I don't care. I don't need to, and I don't want any of you to try to understand me. I just want everyone to stop tearing each other's throats out, and nothing I can say or do has done anything of substance towards that goal. If anything, I've only slipped further back into who I am outside of 'Zero', and everyone here has suffered for it. What kind of leader can forgive such pointless bloodshed on his watch, and what is the damn point of a revolutionary that can't kill one obnoxious bastard driving a ship?!

[...So maybe that might've been a low blow. Plumeria's not taking it back, though, and she stands plenty firm when Zero gets up.]

No. But she's certainly the straw that finally broke something; that much is obvious to see no matter how much you cover your face in a useless mask.

[Plumeria says that surprisingly calmly, and takes a step forward.]

But you're an idiot if you think you can be a leader without understanding the people around you. What do you expect to accomplish without being able to do so--without understanding their plights? And kind of leader are you, an apparent revolutionary, if you don't have a single person to support you in your own matters? Do you know what that would make you?

Nothing more than a hollow young man who'd rather run away like some kind of coward rather than let others help him.

[And at that, Plumeria steps closer, ready to try and take that stupid cravat in her hand so she can practically seethe--]

You think that we can forgive all of this bloodshed either?! That we haven't wanted to just lie down and give up at how insurmountable this cretin of a Captain is?! Stop trying to take the whole weight of the world on by yourself, you idiot!

[Very calmly, Zero raised a hand to his mask; the panels in the back slid upward again, and he (still very calmly) lifted it off of his face. No longer bothering to concern himself with hiding, his open left eye was glowing with a sigil in his iris shaped like the outstretched wings of a bird.]

[And then he turned and threw the entire helmet as hard as he could against a wall. Whatever material it was made out of, the mask didn't break so much as make a very satisfying thunk before clattering to the floor.]

You're certainly one to talk, wanting to lecture me on supporting others. No matter how little you trust Jack, is it not you who would put a knife in our collective backs the minute he so much as breathes a threat against Freyja?! And don't bother denying it, because I know myself to be no better than exactly that either!

[two of us can throw low blows, plumeria]

I've tried logic, I've tried reason, I've tried understanding, and all that did was land me right here stunningly aware of how badly that backfired. Nothing's stopped, nothing's changed, nothing has even slowed down by so much as a day since all of this began!

This person, this one beneath Zero's mask, can't do a damn thing right now and I don't have any way to stop this. The longer all this goes on, the more chance he'll do or say just the right thing to make even me turn on every last word I've said in this miserable place! I don't want to have to kill someone just because I can't trust when Jack is or isn't bluffing anymore!

I've taken on the weight of the world alone for her sake for ten years now, and you're the idiot if you think I can stop now!

[Well, that's something new. Plumeria's eyes do briefly widen at the sigil in his left eye, taking it in briefly as he throws his mask aside. So it's coming to this, huh? Somehow, Plumeria didn't expect it, but--oh.

Oh.

He makes the mistake of mentioning (the fact that she'd betray everyone) Lady Freyja and Plumeria's look goes sour, and she does not fucking hesitate to straight up try and slug him in the cheek for that. Anger is a match that's well lit in her, and boy did Zero find a way to throw it into the kerosene. She's not even sure why it angers her so (read: she doesn't want to acknowledge it), and yet--]

Oh, and what, you think the mask will actually make you more useful? Is that it? That you can just throw on an emotionless mask and pretend you're this unaffected pillar?! You're just as weak and feeble with it on, you insufferable mortal! That 'Zero' you like to hide behind is just a glass house that's itching to have stones thrown at it!

[Gods, she's fucking unapologetically furious at this point, and her tone's all full of barbs.]

So sorry that you're just realizing that the game's been stacked against us from the start! But what exactly is becoming a hopeless husk of a man going to do for you, except make you look like a child who's acting out because nothing's going his way?! I don't want to have to kill someone either, you complete dolt, but I know very well that being alone with my own thoughts only leads to destruction!

[see exhibit a: poor fucking freyja last trial]

Who is she, huh? Who's this woman you're just so willing to take on the weight of the world by yourself for?

[Zero staggered back at the punch to his face, stunned and reeling but managing to stay standing. Strange, how for a brief instant he was reminded of-]

[...It wasn't important right now. He pressed a gloved hand to his face as he took a slow breath and straightened himself out, turning back to Plumeria.]

My sister.

[Plumeria's about ready to slug him again when he straightens out--at this point she doesn't care anymore, and it's a familiar feeling from weeks prior, when she...]

...Your sister.

[Plumeria is likely making a mistake in lowering her fist. He could easily fire back, and yet...]

What about her is so special, that you're willing to destroy yourself for her?

[Zero scowled, biting back something far crueler in favor of a more straightforward answer.]

I could ask you the same. What makes Freyja so important to you?

[...She hates the idea of opening up like this, but Plumeria's posture goes completely neutral at that as she speaks.]

...Lady Freyja has given me so much more than I ever could have ever gotten out of my former miserable existence.

[...]

She looked at a miserable, useless, unwanted child like me--and she granted me unconditional care. She let me stand beside her, and granted me the opportunity to become something better than what I was.

She means everything to me.

Nunnally is all I have. Our mother was murdered ten years ago, and our father...

[He trailed off, the telltale sign of 'it's complicated'.]

That incident cost her both her sight and her legs, but still...still, all she wanted was for our world to be at peace. All she's ever wanted was for the world we live in to be a kinder one, and all I ever wanted was to destroy the empire that prevented that from happening. 'Zero' exists to protect people like her, and to recreate the world into one free of the neverending warfare we've known all our lives.

I've killed countless people for that, directly or otherwise. Because I want whoever caused our mother's death to meet the end they deserve, and I want her to be able to live freely in a world where neither of us have to hide anymore.

Edited (wording hard) 2021-02-28 06:08 (UTC)

[For what it's worth, Plumeria listens. She wonders, inwardly, if Zero meant to tell her any of this at all; he clearly doesn't want understanding. He doesn't want friendship, and yet...he's doing all of this. Inwardly, she just wonders if he's the biggest contradiction in the damn world.]

...Whoever did that to them deserves everything they get from you. No less than a death most painful.

But I doubt you need me to tell you that.

[It feels silly to say, really.]

I still think what you're trying to do to yourself is only going to hurt you more in the long run. [...] Even so, I can understand wanting to protect someone like her; she sounds pure-hearted. A world where someone like her would be able to live in peace...it sounds like a lovely dream to strive for.

[...]

Will there be anything left of that brother who's fighting for her future, if you continue to destroy yourself?

[Plumeria doesn't know Nunnally, and she's not going to pretend that she does. But even so, she's not backing down from calling him heckin' stupid.]

[Something had clearly snapped in his head; whether the masquerade was backfiring or he just realized Plumeria of all people might see what his purpose was, Zero didn't seem to regret what he'd said. If anything, his temper had even cooled off significantly somewhere along the line.]

I chose my path a long time ago. Maybe I won't live to see the world I create, in the end--even if I do, the things I've done to attain it can't be forgiven by someone like Nunnally. I accept that, no matter what others may think of my actions or motivations. She still has a knight to protect her, someone who can live through what I may not be able to.

[Or maybe he really was just that much of a contradiction; hiding beneath two masks, neither of which were his real self. In a situation he couldn't control, it might just have been that the pressure had cracked both of them at once.]

Surely you understand. Can you truly say you wouldn't risk destroying yourself for the sake of the one who means everything to you?

[One can only wear so many masks before they all start to fall apart on the floor around one. Plumeria listens, though. He's done that many unforgivable things, huh?

Plumeria hates to say she can understand that, somewhat. Even if the unforgivable thing she did in her family's case was exist. Even so, Plumeria's answer is firm as ever, though not rudely spoken.]

...I've done so before, for Lady Freyja. I gave my life, my very being in order to try and stop the humans who invaded our realm and tried to stop her. It's only by her will alone that Triandra and I were able to be revived, after I failed, and up until I was brought here...I was going to be meant to live with that failure, until she and I could find a solution.

I understand such a thing better than most.

[She pauses at that, though she looks directly at Zero once she finishes saying that much.]

...I won't deny that I would do so again in a heartbeat, if I felt it necessary. [...] But I also know that doing so heedlessly could hurt Lady Freyja, in the long run. And...ugh. Maybe there's a few of you mortals here who I don't want to disappoint either.

[please ignore the tsun]

...The point I'm trying to make is that if you do so heedlessly here, it's not going to accomplish anything close to what you want. And that Captain's probably going to enjoy it. Is that something you really want?

Of course I don't want that. But I know myself, and I know that my judgement can be...flawed, when it comes to a situation where Nunnally might be in danger.

I don't know what it is I'm trying to say. Maybe just that...whatever happens, I don't want him to win.

...Then don't let him win by letting him get under your skin. I know myself pretty well too, and I know my own would be flawed if Lady Freyja were in such a situation.

It's okay not to know. But you're not going to be alone for it.

[If only because Plumeria knows one thing, and that's apparently how to be stubborn as hell. Probably not how she should be trying to be a better person but it's...something...???]

Right. I have to get through this for Nunnally's sake, and I want to keep as many of us alive as possible on the way there. All we have to do is coexist, as disorganized as we are. We've gotten this far, at least.

[He paused, considering something in brief silence. Glancing off to the side, and then back to Plumeria.]

...It's Lelouch. I can't tell you my real surname, but otherwise my name is Lelouch Lamperouge.

Edited 2021-03-06 00:06 (UTC)

[Attaboy. Plumeria finds herself smiling, at least slightly.]

Lelouch. I'll remember that, then.

And I don't doubt you will. We're all a bit of a rag-tag group, but I really do believe in us. We'll find a way out, and who knows? Maybe we'll all get out together if we find a miracle.

[...]

Do you mind if I stick around for a bit, then? I can grab you some different food, if you want. [Beat.] And...maybe some ice for your face, how is that doing...?

[like she punches like a twig, but. may as well ask.]

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into each breaking wave

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1/3

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1/2 because you deserve this and you know it

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