i am a cage in search of a bird

[crocodiline]

[ The figure inside the frosted glass snaps her fingers, and the glass falls away, sliding into grooves in the ground below. Inside, behind additional bulletproof glass, sits a woman, legs up on a transparent glass desk, absentmindedly petting a... whatever this thing is.

Say hello to your mastermind, everyone! ]

Hey there, everyone. Nice to talk to you in person - my name is Cipher, welcome to my city. Sorry I took so long to show up in person. No need to get up on my account - how about we talk business?

[ Let's drive. ]

Comments

[inaclearing]

You fought a robot?

[kninja]

We fought a bunch of robots! Even Li'l Daka got one, though kinda mostly by accident. He tripped.

[inaclearing]

[Brett laughs.]

Oh, man, really? I wish I could've seen that.

[Ah, and here's the nightclub. Brett sort of...pauses in the doorway, rather than going directly to the bar.]

[kninja]

[Obi waits. For a bit, anyway.]

...Brett?

[inaclearing]

...sorry. Sorry - I, uh.

[He circles around the bar. Behind the bar is - not where Jonathan was, at least, but it's also where Brett went after finding him.]

What do you want? There's, um, lots of stuff.

[kninja]

I'm not real picky. Guess I shouldn't have anything too strong when my body's finally just starting to come back to normal, though.

[He takes a seat, watches Brett back there, and asks:]

Do you wanna talk about it?

[inaclearing]

[Brett shrugs and grabs two glasses, filling them both with beer from the tap. It's sort of a random selection; hopefully it's fine. He's quiet as he does so, and doesn't answer until they've both got a drink.]

...I found Jonathan in here.

[kninja]

[Obi is quiet in turn, absorbing this newly somber, sobering context for the space.]

...I'm sorry, Brett. [He exhales slowly.] Killing's an ugly business, and... it can stick. In your head, I mean. The smell...

[inaclearing]

Yeah. Yeah, I...

[He lets out a gust of breath.]

I handled it really badly. Still think about it. You'd think, after enough time here, I'd have stopped being so...

[kninja]

Feels like we've had this conversation before.

[He sips his beer.]

"We all have things we handle badly." It went something like that, right?

[inaclearing]

Did we?

[Brett stays behind the bar, leaning back against the shelves. He's holding his beer, but not really drinking it.]

Sorry - yeah, I guess we did. I still should've stepped up, though.

[kninja]

In what way?

[inaclearing]

Any way? I mean, I guess Forrest was more qualified for the body stuff anyway, but...I know he didn't handle all of them.

[Too many weeks with more than one.]

And there was so much else... [Brett trails off and huffs.] I'm sorry, look at me. You literally died.

[kninja]

Maybe not so literally. I'm back now, aren't I?

[So it's Fine. :)

There's a lot unsaid here to drink in, and to drink on. Obi continues to nurse his beer as he considers both Brett's words and his silences.]

...You really think it'd have been good to get used to it?

[inaclearing]

That doesn't just erase what happened.

[Brett finally drinks a little of his beer, mulling that over.]

For me? No, probably not. But there's other people to think about.

[kninja]

By that token, everyone should've. Then you'd have a different problem on your hands.

[inaclearing]

I think most people did. Or - were to begin with, maybe.

[Lots of people who had been in war, or like, actual murderers...]

[kninja]

You don’t really want a whole group of people thinking murder’s a normal part of life. They might get to thinking, well, that’s just how we solve problems around here—but none of us are really from worlds like that. We can’t live the way we did in here out where we came from, so it’s good to be reminded that this isn’t how it always will be.

[Unless you’re Vholran or Penelope, maybe. Or Nandor. Or—]

Not that that’s all you brought to the group or what I appreciate most about you. And not that it’s gonna get through the guilt of it all, either. But it’s another perspective to think over.

[inaclearing]

[Brett mulls that over, chewing on his lip.]

I guess it's only natural to feel some survivor's guilt. Most of you would have handled it better. [...] Not that I would've done great at the robot fighting, either.

[kninja]

...I guess I didn't do that well either, in hindsight.

[...]

With the guilt, I mean. [He flaps a hand, and maybe he's tired, because it's a little clearer how much his playing it casual is play.] Of course I was fine with the robots. Don't need to understand how they work to stick knives in their joints till they stop moving.

[inaclearing]

[......]

Did you feel guilty?

[kninja]

Mm. I might've slowed down enough to notice what Penelohp was up to that night if I hadn't been so...

[After trailing off for a long, pregnant pause, he sighs and downs another mouthful of beer.]

Well, I did what I did. From now on, I'll just have to live with it.

[inaclearing]

You were trying to help her. That's a good thing. It isn't your fault that it was...

[Brett gestures vaguely with his glass. He'd been angry with her at the time, but hearing what she was trying to avoid with it...well. Of course no one deserves to be tortured by demons forever. Maybe even more than that, though, Brett's too tired to maintain much anger.

(you know now that jobu's not here talking to him)]

...that.

[kninja]

Oh, no, I know. I'm embarrassed she got me like that, but I won't insult either of us by taking any credit for it. She worked for that kill.

[Obi loves to see a girlboss winning...?]

I'm just saying, if I hadn't already felt so lousy about Chief and Li'l Daka, I... would've been less desperate to change things that night. And you're right. It doesn't go away just 'cause being dead didn't stick.

[inaclearing]

...at least you tried to change things at all.

[Brett never did anything like that. Just cowered in his bedroom every Thursday night. But hey - this isn't about him.]

I don't know if something like this can ever entirely go away. If it fades, it'll be with time - not just this. [He blinks.] Not that - I mean, it's great, obviously. It's miraculous. Honestly, it...feels a little unreal.