Captain on deck

[bathymetric]

At the stroke of midnight, amidst the burst of dozens of colorful lights in the sky, the device in your pocket rumbles faintly with a reminder to head down to the theatre. You wouldn't want to leave your captain or first mate hanging, would you?

The doors have finally unlocked, and as you head in, you find... a rather nicely decorated little theater. The red curtains obscuring the big screen draw back, revealing three simple words in huge font.

Have a seat.

As soon as everyone is seated, the lights dim, leaving the group in almost complete darkness until the big screen flares to life. Jaunty music starts to pour in through speakers surrounding the room as the big screen plays clips of grand cruise liners sailing through sunny tropics.

"Atlantic Liners," says a voice, slightly automated to a discerning ear but definitely male. "We look to the future while remembering the past. That's why even our top of the line ships carry that nineties charm while having the best luxuries money can buy."

How charming and debonair. But isn't this commercial trying to... sell you on a cruise you're already on?

"Hey there, passengers! It's me, your lovable captain of the SS Swift. How is everyone doing tonight on this fabulous New Year's day?"

Is the voiceover referring to you? Well, that just raises further questions.

"I'd like to take a moment to thank each and every one of you for joining me tonight as we cruise through these lovely Atlantic seas. And to welcome you all, not just to our eventual destination in the Bahamas, but also..."

The screen flashes, switching from soft sunsets to harsh, burning flames.

"To your doom!"

One second passes. Two. Three.

"...Your doom!"

Has it been a minute? Does anyone have a watch?

"Your doo-Okay, that should have been cue for the ceiling-mounted flamethrowers. Why are they not charbroiled by now? Can you tell me that much? No? Fantastic. You're useless."

A sigh, clearly frustrated. Without a speck of that earlier charm. The lights in the theatre rise back to clearly visible levels. 'TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES' pops up on the big screen with a picture of a monkey wearing a hard hat next to a burning television.

"Okay, this is just as awkward for me as it probably is for you, ssssso! Questions? Concerns? Anyone tried the margaritas yet?"

Comments

[thekeyofsea]

[ Davy Jones, the First Mate, is here. ]

Ahoy, passengers!

[ He looks about the room, takes a moment to light a pipe. ]

Now, tell me true...

[ The atmosphere reaches a breaking point. ]

...Do ye fear death?

[leaveittomother]

Not wanting to die is different than fearing it. Everyone dies.

[thekeyofsea]

[ He chuckles, a less-than-pleasant noise. ]

Aye, that they do. I've seen many, in my time, face that dark abyss.

[jibunwo]

[WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT.]

[thekeyofsea]

[ SQUID TIME, M'BOY!! ]

[scouserer]

[Constantine stares at Davy Jones, the acrid smell of sea salt stinging his nose. His expression is unreadable.]

Huh.

[It's difficult to tell what Constantine is thinking, if anything. After a moment or two, however--]

Not particularly. You gonna share that pipe, or what?

[thekeyofsea]

[ Well, now, here's an interesting reaction! Jones takes a drag off the pipe before replying. ]

I'm not particularly the sharing sort, I'm afraid, Mister Constantine.

[bathymetric]

[The atmosphere is promptly smashed by a smattering of applause.]

Nicely done. Nine out of ten. Nothing against you, just still mad about the flamethrowers.

[magycks]

Sorry, was that not what that pathetic attempt at a firetrap was meant to establish?

[hellahighwater]

[ What the fuck. ]

Ohhh, fuck off, Calamari Jim.

[ahelpingpaw]

Uh...very much so.

[Well this ain't great]

So either we die or we stay here forever and ever. Either way it's...not a good offer, is it?

[Filbo has to admit the situation is making it a mite hard to think on a silver lining, yeah]

[scythegun]

Nope!

[But more importantly—]

Are you actually Davy Jones, because that sounds like what the Captain was implying with those rules and that is fantastic.

[WELL NOW THIS CRUISE IS INTERESTING.....]

[onlyyoucan]

What the --

[???????????????]

[sharddrive]

Eh, it's not great but it's not, like, in my top ten worries or anything.

[Did you read his trivia section bro.]

[paucipan]

[Wow.]

Is that what you're supposed to be? I'm quite certain that Hel is much more frightening than the likes of you, but maybe I'll give you some points for effort.

[It's sarcastic as hell, and uh. Plum is absolutely keeping her distance, do not mind her. Seems that even for all her bite, she's not willing to mess with something like this.]

[sivard]

[Oh dear Empyreans, that is one ugly demon.]

[queceracera]

Oh no, Disney is going to sue us.

[bonesorter]

[Oh dear god. Theres scary things in the Unknown, sure, but this is new.]

Aye. Very much so, at this very moment right now.

[hypnowhip]

[...how is the first mate like a million times more intimidating than the captain himself.

That said, the moment that first footstep sounds in the distance and the atmosphere changes, Sylvando is taken back to the many times that his own ship encountered a fearsome storm or a monster at sea. Considering the first mate's appearance, that isn't entirely inaccurate now either.]

Oh my goodness...

[He sure isn't a pretty sight, is he? But Sylvando won't say that aloud.]

[guffawsungraciously]

[...

...

Well, uh, he's going to attempt to recover from being mildly shocked...]

Oh, now, you are actually impressive. Why are you not the one in charge here, exactly...?

[cethflayn]

[Oh

Oh this guy is unique

Her earlier fear forgotten (for now), Flayn pops up from her seat to get a better look at this unusual fellow.]

I would think that a healthy fear of death is a normal reaction to have, wouldn't you?

[I mean yes he's intimidating but he also looks super cool.]

[oceangirlfriend]

[Adeline actually relaxes a little at the visible nonhuman figure.] Not so much by drowning, I'm afraid, Mr. Jones. Quite the show you have here, I must admit.

[ltcommandroid]

I am incapable of fear. But I believe you and the rest of your crew are already aware of that.

[Hm. There's probably a bunch of tentacle aliens out there, but Data doesn't recognize you as any of them in particular.]

Am I to take it that you are meant to be the figure from Earth's nautical folklore?

[silentscout]

[Well. Lalli certainly does seem to fear something. Because as soon as he sees Davy Jones he is backing up as fast as he can, all the way until he bumps into a wall.]

1/2

[ignobel]

Huhhh...... Oh.

[I mean, even Allenby isn't entirely immune to the atmospheric skills of Davy Jones! It's almost like running into that vaunted Devil Gundam they keep talking about, or one of the haunted Egyptian Gundams or something! Maybe there's a Flying Dutchman Gundam somewhere out there, you never know.

Ridiculousness aside, she just sort of stares for a few moments after backing up a step or two.]