COMMENCE VOYAGE

[bathymetric]

Fun Fact: Did you know the Atlantic Ocean has a surface area of 41.1 million square miles? No reason.

...

There's something uneasy in the air as you come to.

Well, "come to" is an interesting word in this case. It implies waking up, which is not exactly what happens. None of you are in beds, nor are you really asleep in the traditional sense. One moment you're somewhere else, doing something else with your time, and the next? You're somewhere on board a massive cruise ship - maybe lounging on a deck chair by the pool, maybe getting some Gains in the exercise room, maybe enjoying the tasteful décor in the buffet - and you have no idea how you got here or how you might get back. This is not your beautiful house. If you have a beautiful wife, she isn't here.

What you do have, apart from 25 other unlucky souls, is a small smartphone-like device in your pocket with only a handful of things on it: a clock reading 11PM, a pdf of a ticket in your name on a special Atlantic Liners New Year's Eve Cruise, an app labeled Passenger Profiles with some basic information on your traveling companions, and a message:

Welcome aboard, passenger! Please feel free to partake of any of the facilities while you wait for the big event! Remember: when midnight comes, you better make your way to the theatre at the back of Level 1 for the main event! The Captain and the First Mate will be there to take care of you all personally, and to help you ring in the new year in style!

Well, that's a start. But what you do until then, it seems, is up to you!

Captain on deck

[bathymetric]

At the stroke of midnight, amidst the burst of dozens of colorful lights in the sky, the device in your pocket rumbles faintly with a reminder to head down to the theatre. You wouldn't want to leave your captain or first mate hanging, would you?

The doors have finally unlocked, and as you head in, you find... a rather nicely decorated little theater. The red curtains obscuring the big screen draw back, revealing three simple words in huge font.

Have a seat.

As soon as everyone is seated, the lights dim, leaving the group in almost complete darkness until the big screen flares to life. Jaunty music starts to pour in through speakers surrounding the room as the big screen plays clips of grand cruise liners sailing through sunny tropics.

"Atlantic Liners," says a voice, slightly automated to a discerning ear but definitely male. "We look to the future while remembering the past. That's why even our top of the line ships carry that nineties charm while having the best luxuries money can buy."

How charming and debonair. But isn't this commercial trying to... sell you on a cruise you're already on?

"Hey there, passengers! It's me, your lovable captain of the SS Swift. How is everyone doing tonight on this fabulous New Year's day?"

Is the voiceover referring to you? Well, that just raises further questions.

"I'd like to take a moment to thank each and every one of you for joining me tonight as we cruise through these lovely Atlantic seas. And to welcome you all, not just to our eventual destination in the Bahamas, but also..."

The screen flashes, switching from soft sunsets to harsh, burning flames.

"To your doom!"

One second passes. Two. Three.

"...Your doom!"

Has it been a minute? Does anyone have a watch?

"Your doo-Okay, that should have been cue for the ceiling-mounted flamethrowers. Why are they not charbroiled by now? Can you tell me that much? No? Fantastic. You're useless."

A sigh, clearly frustrated. Without a speck of that earlier charm. The lights in the theatre rise back to clearly visible levels. 'TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES' pops up on the big screen with a picture of a monkey wearing a hard hat next to a burning television.

"Okay, this is just as awkward for me as it probably is for you, ssssso! Questions? Concerns? Anyone tried the margaritas yet?"